Hugs
Kiara x
Tuesday 31 December 2013
2014
To all my friends i wish you a happy and healthy new year , let 2014 be a good one in many ways
Hugs
Kiara x
Hugs
Kiara x
Monday 23 December 2013
When....
Sleepless nights filled with pain and tired day that seems never ending
My pain has now spread to my jaws,'I'm experiencing stiffness and terrible pain that even affects me trying to talk . How bad is this going to get, when will it end.
I live in hope that one day i will wake up and be better but i know there is no cure and 'I'm just living in a fools paradise. I joke to Colin that this could be every husbands dream for his wife to find herself unable to speak lolgiggle but the reality of this takes away the funniness of this.
I can only sympathise with anyone else who is suffering the same symptoms, I didn't know it could get this bad and spread over such a wide area. I didn't even know about fibromyalgia until i was diagnosed. I have looked into this and it is more common than people realise, although symptoms are normally just in one area- just my luck isn't it.
I try to not feel sorry for myself but there are times when i just wish i could go to sleep and not wake up and i just can't imagine the rest of my life being like this. So many out there suffering illness and chronic pain, so much to tolerate .
Life can be so cruel.
Kiara x
My pain has now spread to my jaws,'I'm experiencing stiffness and terrible pain that even affects me trying to talk . How bad is this going to get, when will it end.
I live in hope that one day i will wake up and be better but i know there is no cure and 'I'm just living in a fools paradise. I joke to Colin that this could be every husbands dream for his wife to find herself unable to speak lolgiggle but the reality of this takes away the funniness of this.
I can only sympathise with anyone else who is suffering the same symptoms, I didn't know it could get this bad and spread over such a wide area. I didn't even know about fibromyalgia until i was diagnosed. I have looked into this and it is more common than people realise, although symptoms are normally just in one area- just my luck isn't it.
I try to not feel sorry for myself but there are times when i just wish i could go to sleep and not wake up and i just can't imagine the rest of my life being like this. So many out there suffering illness and chronic pain, so much to tolerate .
Life can be so cruel.
Kiara x
Tuesday 10 December 2013
its not about ......
Its not about how many people read my blog; its not even about how many people comment ;
I write my blog to help myself work through my own emotions and feelings. I also write to help other people recognise symptoms and accept their emotions and feelings , I think that knowing there are others who also suffer, so its easier to accept that we are not alone even if we feel that we are. So many times i feel like i am a non-person and invisible as i sit in my wheelchair, me who was an active independent woman, me who dealt with the public and worked in the caring services, its such a turn around and even now after nearly three years still feels at times so hard to accept.
Disability has such a negative effect people because its soul destroying and also we feel so alone with our illness. We feel that nobody understands and our family feel helpless to understand what is going on with our body and come to terms with the fact that their loved ones are suffering , they/we have no focus on what the future holds and this chronic pain is at its worse intolerable .
So i write as a comfort to myself and others out there who suffer like i do.
At the moment I'm not good, i am very lethargic and i am not getting quality sleep because of the pain . Its a cycle of symptoms we never get used to . Noise and bright lights also effect me , so many different things can influence my day and still i can do nothing to help myself , i just have to accept that this is the way it is.
I have recently heard that some-one i know has been diagnosed with fibromyalgia in her arm , Val my thoughts are with you and I'm sending you healing thoughts.
We all need a hug sometimes, even when we try to be brave ......
hugs Kira x
I write my blog to help myself work through my own emotions and feelings. I also write to help other people recognise symptoms and accept their emotions and feelings , I think that knowing there are others who also suffer, so its easier to accept that we are not alone even if we feel that we are. So many times i feel like i am a non-person and invisible as i sit in my wheelchair, me who was an active independent woman, me who dealt with the public and worked in the caring services, its such a turn around and even now after nearly three years still feels at times so hard to accept.
Disability has such a negative effect people because its soul destroying and also we feel so alone with our illness. We feel that nobody understands and our family feel helpless to understand what is going on with our body and come to terms with the fact that their loved ones are suffering , they/we have no focus on what the future holds and this chronic pain is at its worse intolerable .
So i write as a comfort to myself and others out there who suffer like i do.
At the moment I'm not good, i am very lethargic and i am not getting quality sleep because of the pain . Its a cycle of symptoms we never get used to . Noise and bright lights also effect me , so many different things can influence my day and still i can do nothing to help myself , i just have to accept that this is the way it is.
I have recently heard that some-one i know has been diagnosed with fibromyalgia in her arm , Val my thoughts are with you and I'm sending you healing thoughts.
We all need a hug sometimes, even when we try to be brave ......
hugs Kira x
Thursday 5 December 2013
Heat
I've recently started using sunbeds, Colin has to help me on and practically lift me off again but, the benefits i feel are just so good. The heat goes into my bones and helps relax my muscles this feels soooooooooooooooo good :-) I only go on for 4-6 minutes twice a week i am starting to get some colour which is also boosting my moral .
Please don't go rushing out to use sunbeds as you must be aware at the risks of skin cancer however its working for me and both myself and Colin check my skin regularly for any signs of changes.
I've been feeling so ill and very lethargic and tired lately , feeling severe pains shooting through my legs and arms . And so the cycle goes on once more :-(
Colin is holding a voluntary candle medication at Merchant City Yoga in Glasgow on 19th Dec so anyone interested please come along. I will need to be lifted up in my wheelchair as there are two small flights of stairs to climb but its worth it to be able to attend. Anyone who wants to come along must be aware of the steps if you are disabled and find climbing stairs difficult. If you want to attend though you booking is through The Merchant City Yoga website .
No more news at the moment , i don't want to go on about my pain as this is an ongoing symptom of fibromyalgia and all sufferers will experience different levels of pain , but understand this issue with fellow sufferers.
Hope you all out there are well or as well as can be expected
Namaste
Kiara x
Please don't go rushing out to use sunbeds as you must be aware at the risks of skin cancer however its working for me and both myself and Colin check my skin regularly for any signs of changes.
I've been feeling so ill and very lethargic and tired lately , feeling severe pains shooting through my legs and arms . And so the cycle goes on once more :-(
Colin is holding a voluntary candle medication at Merchant City Yoga in Glasgow on 19th Dec so anyone interested please come along. I will need to be lifted up in my wheelchair as there are two small flights of stairs to climb but its worth it to be able to attend. Anyone who wants to come along must be aware of the steps if you are disabled and find climbing stairs difficult. If you want to attend though you booking is through The Merchant City Yoga website .
No more news at the moment , i don't want to go on about my pain as this is an ongoing symptom of fibromyalgia and all sufferers will experience different levels of pain , but understand this issue with fellow sufferers.
Hope you all out there are well or as well as can be expected
Namaste
Kiara x
Friday 29 November 2013
stiffffffffff
Pain Pain Pain .... and such stiffness in my joints and bones , I hate this illness , it controls my every being and is 24/7 full on . Even when i am ok so to speak , my skin burns, my muscles spasm which has now moved to my jaw and, i wonder just how bad is it going to get. I dread the day Colin gets ill for i've been told i would be put into respite. Not that there is anything wrong with that for i worked in the care profession and i met and assisted many in respite care. I just don't imagine the day it could be me. I wonder if i ended up in Oakbank how my fellow colleagues would feel and how i would feel..Hmmmm a bit scary actually. pride and stuff is a bad thing isn't it . I just can't imagine my naked body being washed by people i used to work with, and my flower !!!!!! hahahaaaaaa Silly i know for we all need help of one sort or another at times but its different when its by fellow workers.
Colin is going out Christmas shopping this afternoon so i will be alone with my cats and my walking frame until he comes back . Its mad that i would need to pay for a carer to sot with me to give Colin free time away from me, and its crazy that there are no befriending services for people under 60 . Colin has looked into it all with no success. He is registered with Carers UK and is at the moment looking for to start a project to build a centre and a hydrotherapy pool, he's got the backing of many people and is shortly going to make a FB page solely for that purpose and to attract donations. We got news the other day that there may be a pool available so it would just be a matter of getting it up and running, employ a physiotherapist and a life guard, a very exciting project and i can't wait to hear how he gets on with his meeting with those connected to this pool, sorry i can't remember their names but watch this space for more info.
I imagine that there are so many people who would benefit from hydrotherapy pool, me included. Talking of which I'm waiting to hear from physiotherapy to try and help excersize my body so to keep it supple and my circulation going well. I think it will be quite a task for i experience added increase pain when i try to do anything , typing included. I tried to use a voice recogniser but it comes away with so many funny thing not in the least connected to what i am saying, i guess it doesn't understand Scottish hahahaaaaaaa
For anyone experiencing Fibro symptoms, and then decide to go onto the internet to self diagnose, it is important to know that you must be diagnosed by a rheumatologist *
I go to the hospital again on the 11th Dec, to have a breast lump removed , its only day surgery but i am quite nervous about it, but its better out than in as its getting quite big now.
Well i have no more chit-chat today , hope my little bit of news is interesting reading and that my blog helps all of you out there who may feel isolated and lonely, i've been there and i know how it feels .
one of my few hobbies now is making music videos, i used to do loads and put them on YouTube but now i just do a few , anyway here is a fun one for all my friends and all my Google+ friends... enjoy , Ggggrrrrrrr I can't get the video to play , I'll try to re post this with the edited video ...
Hugs Kira xx
Colin is going out Christmas shopping this afternoon so i will be alone with my cats and my walking frame until he comes back . Its mad that i would need to pay for a carer to sot with me to give Colin free time away from me, and its crazy that there are no befriending services for people under 60 . Colin has looked into it all with no success. He is registered with Carers UK and is at the moment looking for to start a project to build a centre and a hydrotherapy pool, he's got the backing of many people and is shortly going to make a FB page solely for that purpose and to attract donations. We got news the other day that there may be a pool available so it would just be a matter of getting it up and running, employ a physiotherapist and a life guard, a very exciting project and i can't wait to hear how he gets on with his meeting with those connected to this pool, sorry i can't remember their names but watch this space for more info.
I imagine that there are so many people who would benefit from hydrotherapy pool, me included. Talking of which I'm waiting to hear from physiotherapy to try and help excersize my body so to keep it supple and my circulation going well. I think it will be quite a task for i experience added increase pain when i try to do anything , typing included. I tried to use a voice recogniser but it comes away with so many funny thing not in the least connected to what i am saying, i guess it doesn't understand Scottish hahahaaaaaaa
For anyone experiencing Fibro symptoms, and then decide to go onto the internet to self diagnose, it is important to know that you must be diagnosed by a rheumatologist *
I go to the hospital again on the 11th Dec, to have a breast lump removed , its only day surgery but i am quite nervous about it, but its better out than in as its getting quite big now.
Well i have no more chit-chat today , hope my little bit of news is interesting reading and that my blog helps all of you out there who may feel isolated and lonely, i've been there and i know how it feels .
one of my few hobbies now is making music videos, i used to do loads and put them on YouTube but now i just do a few , anyway here is a fun one for all my friends and all my Google+ friends... enjoy , Ggggrrrrrrr I can't get the video to play , I'll try to re post this with the edited video ...
Hugs Kira xx
Thursday 28 November 2013
Wednesday 27 November 2013
Housebound issues
Many of us just take our life for granted, its normal, yet now when i see someone walking down the street wearing nice shoes i get sad, for i can't wear nice shoes unless they are stuck in my wheelchair stirrups so they don't fall off, and even then my legs hurt badly.
Being housebound we can get stuck in memory traps, going over and over our nice memories just to keep us feeling good. I now know and understand more fully the process of the elderly and reminiscence, its just memories that are stuck , like a video just playing over and over. we have no control over our own head videos do we. I'm sure many will relate to this part of brain fog.
I lost my hair, i had beautiful long dark hair almost to my waist when i got married just before i got ill . I loved my hair, my crowning glory so to speak . Medications and stress led me to lose my hair . I've not been brave enough to openly show pics of me until now , but i did today . After all this is a process many go thro, people who have chemotherapy; alopecia; for example then there are the ones like me who endure long term illnesses. .
my hair is growing back slowly , white , i've decided to stay white rather than colour it when it comes back, anyway i can't put my arms above my head so Colin would have to do the colouring for me, he's good at that too as he did my roots before lost my hair, he also does my nails and my make-up for me i really feel blessed he is mine and is such a good husband and carer , too much hassle for to get it coloured now , even if Colin did it and i can never know when i will be well enough to sit up for long periods of time and the colouring may damage my scalp. So many things have changed in my life now.
I wrote my letter to Santa , all i want is to be well enough to enjoy Christmas day with my husband . My perspective on life and the things that are important to me have also changed. but i think that deep down i was always a good person who just made bad choices until now for i was never the one at fault. How thing in general have changed now , attitudes to things etc even 10years ago things like marriage and divorce were looked at differently. Getting deep now Ooooooops
So anyway today my blog is about me and attitudes of others , this came about really because of Marjory a friend on FB I never knew that you were so compassionate in your thoughts, come to think of it i never really knew you and you never really knew me, we were passing work colleagues but i would like to think of you as a friend . You have inspired me today so that's a good thing, well good for me anyway. I wonder do we ever really know someone or is it just our own judgement of that person that we go by.
And the others who are housebound and suffering daily I'm sure they can also relate to some of my thoughts
Have a good day wherever you are , know that i also think of you
Hugs Kiara x
Being housebound we can get stuck in memory traps, going over and over our nice memories just to keep us feeling good. I now know and understand more fully the process of the elderly and reminiscence, its just memories that are stuck , like a video just playing over and over. we have no control over our own head videos do we. I'm sure many will relate to this part of brain fog.
I lost my hair, i had beautiful long dark hair almost to my waist when i got married just before i got ill . I loved my hair, my crowning glory so to speak . Medications and stress led me to lose my hair . I've not been brave enough to openly show pics of me until now , but i did today . After all this is a process many go thro, people who have chemotherapy; alopecia; for example then there are the ones like me who endure long term illnesses. .
my hair is growing back slowly , white , i've decided to stay white rather than colour it when it comes back, anyway i can't put my arms above my head so Colin would have to do the colouring for me, he's good at that too as he did my roots before lost my hair, he also does my nails and my make-up for me i really feel blessed he is mine and is such a good husband and carer , too much hassle for to get it coloured now , even if Colin did it and i can never know when i will be well enough to sit up for long periods of time and the colouring may damage my scalp. So many things have changed in my life now.
I wrote my letter to Santa , all i want is to be well enough to enjoy Christmas day with my husband . My perspective on life and the things that are important to me have also changed. but i think that deep down i was always a good person who just made bad choices until now for i was never the one at fault. How thing in general have changed now , attitudes to things etc even 10years ago things like marriage and divorce were looked at differently. Getting deep now Ooooooops
So anyway today my blog is about me and attitudes of others , this came about really because of Marjory a friend on FB I never knew that you were so compassionate in your thoughts, come to think of it i never really knew you and you never really knew me, we were passing work colleagues but i would like to think of you as a friend . You have inspired me today so that's a good thing, well good for me anyway. I wonder do we ever really know someone or is it just our own judgement of that person that we go by.
And the others who are housebound and suffering daily I'm sure they can also relate to some of my thoughts
Have a good day wherever you are , know that i also think of you
Hugs Kiara x
Tuesday 26 November 2013
Christmas Wishes
The hustle and bustle of Christmas, the shopping trips and frustrations of battling through all the bargain buys, working and sharing your work life with your home life . Parties; Christmas dinner ....
This is my Christmas wish for i miss all those things so much. I cannot shop, I cannot work, I miss company , and i cannot even wrap presents or cook
So spare a thought for me and all other disabled people when you moan about what you are having to endure over the Christmas period.
Many of us are lonely; Some homeless; and life has changed so much for them that it hurts but it does change our perspective on what is important in life.
To all fellow sufferers
Happy Christmas my thoughts are with you , I hope this pic brings a little smile to your face :-)
Ps I visited my old workplace this afternoon it was so lovely to see everyone again although a bit overwhelming and emotional for me, i wasn't prepared to get to upset. I guess i just was reminded of what was and what is now :-( Anyway i will definitely go back when i have another good day ....... To all my friends hey it was just like i had never been away, doesn't time fly past . My wish for you is - enjoy Christmas and , hold your loved ones near to your heart.
hugs Kira
This is my Christmas wish for i miss all those things so much. I cannot shop, I cannot work, I miss company , and i cannot even wrap presents or cook
So spare a thought for me and all other disabled people when you moan about what you are having to endure over the Christmas period.
Many of us are lonely; Some homeless; and life has changed so much for them that it hurts but it does change our perspective on what is important in life.
To all fellow sufferers
Happy Christmas my thoughts are with you , I hope this pic brings a little smile to your face :-)
Ps I visited my old workplace this afternoon it was so lovely to see everyone again although a bit overwhelming and emotional for me, i wasn't prepared to get to upset. I guess i just was reminded of what was and what is now :-( Anyway i will definitely go back when i have another good day ....... To all my friends hey it was just like i had never been away, doesn't time fly past . My wish for you is - enjoy Christmas and , hold your loved ones near to your heart.
hugs Kira
Sunday 24 November 2013
I need a hero
Hi every-one, so its been a little while since my last blog. I've felt so weak and ill those past days, plus could hardly move with this awful pain, all you fellow sufferers will know what i mean about stiffness of joints and muscle pain :-(
I used to make lots of music videos ages ago and post them on YouTube, don't do it now but tonight decided to just put one together so plan to post it here. Unable to upload for some reason but i will try another time ....
I've also caught up with some friends i used to work with many moons ago, or so it seems like many moons ago. My memory isn't good so its taken me a few times to actually recognise some faces. Hope some of us can meet up, and i am only too happy to invite people up for a coffee but poor Colin will be the coffee maid, as i can't because of my muscle spasms, what a life eh ... but i still fight on and on my good days i just try to smile, nothing else for it
Oh and guess what ???? today i drove my car for the first time in almost 3 years of being disabled !!! I walked down from my flat to the lift ( very first time too) and drove my car around the car park and onto the road then back agai. I'm sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo pleased and over the moon about it. Its good to feel i maybe getting some skills back again
i so miss being me and my independence .
So watch out once i'm driving next step shopping hahahahaaaaaaa been away fro TK Maxx too long too , need to lose my extra weight tho that my wheelchair has put on my hips
Happy Sunday
Hugs Kira xx
I used to make lots of music videos ages ago and post them on YouTube, don't do it now but tonight decided to just put one together so plan to post it here. Unable to upload for some reason but i will try another time ....
I've also caught up with some friends i used to work with many moons ago, or so it seems like many moons ago. My memory isn't good so its taken me a few times to actually recognise some faces. Hope some of us can meet up, and i am only too happy to invite people up for a coffee but poor Colin will be the coffee maid, as i can't because of my muscle spasms, what a life eh ... but i still fight on and on my good days i just try to smile, nothing else for it
Oh and guess what ???? today i drove my car for the first time in almost 3 years of being disabled !!! I walked down from my flat to the lift ( very first time too) and drove my car around the car park and onto the road then back agai. I'm sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo pleased and over the moon about it. Its good to feel i maybe getting some skills back again
i so miss being me and my independence .
So watch out once i'm driving next step shopping hahahahaaaaaaa been away fro TK Maxx too long too , need to lose my extra weight tho that my wheelchair has put on my hips
Happy Sunday
Hugs Kira xx
Sunday 17 November 2013
out of action :-(
I've been bedded down for the past 10days with a mother of viruses and felt absolutely awful. Had emergency services called out twice and the doctor seen to me 3 times, glad to say that I'm turning the corner and I'm starting to feel better, so much so that i am able to sit up for a little while and write my blog . If anyone out there in cyber blog land is suffering from flu or viral illness at the moment i send to you heart warming wishes to get well soon and healing thoughts from me to you . While i was ill i lost 7lbs in one week, so hey the bright side is that its a sure weight loss programme , lolgiggle ...
take care
Hugs Kira x
take care
Hugs Kira x
Wednesday 6 November 2013
we can pick our friends but not our family
Sometimes it feels that i can't do anything right for doing wrong in my daughters eyes. Its got to the point that she upset me so much that i told her i can't take her opinionated sarcasm pointed solely at me. I gave her a week and she didn't get back to me so i text her and suggested that we just txt each other now and then, for its obvious that we cannot get on and my health is dominating my life . She doesn't and won't try to understand my illness . It hurts me to say that i believe things can never be mended between us , she is causing me so much upset that i have finally made the decision to let her get on with her life, the sacrifice is that she won't let me see my grandchildren.
My heart and soul hurts so much but in time i know i will manage to live without her , but she will always be my daughter and in my heart. My last msg to her was that i believe maybe one day she will start to know and accept what is really important in life ; life is too short to be unhappy; and i will always love her.
I guess no matter what i do it will never be right and i just need to accept this.
Colin is such a great support to me , my calm in the storm
I'm sure I'm not the only one who suffers family problems over illness , all i can say to support them is , stay strong .
Hugs Kira xx
My heart and soul hurts so much but in time i know i will manage to live without her , but she will always be my daughter and in my heart. My last msg to her was that i believe maybe one day she will start to know and accept what is really important in life ; life is too short to be unhappy; and i will always love her.
I guess no matter what i do it will never be right and i just need to accept this.
Colin is such a great support to me , my calm in the storm
I'm sure I'm not the only one who suffers family problems over illness , all i can say to support them is , stay strong .
Hugs Kira xx
Saturday 2 November 2013
moments in time
I'm excited to tell you that i have published through shoestring publishing Allan and Alison , my first poetry book. Without their help , this my dream would never have become a reality . My book is called Moments In Time and is based on my own personal experiences . A born romantic am i and i hope if you read my book that it will take you on a beautiful journey . You can obtain it at lulu marketplace , at the moment its not available on Amazon , but hopefully this will be rectified soon.
I want to say a special thank-you to Allan and Alison at 'shoestring publishing' if anyone reading this wants to publish a book, then i would highly recommend they go through Shoestring Publishing.
All proceedings from my book is going to the hydrotherapy project , our aim is to build a hydrotherapy centre to help all sufferers of a disabling condition .
Kiara x
I want to say a special thank-you to Allan and Alison at 'shoestring publishing' if anyone reading this wants to publish a book, then i would highly recommend they go through Shoestring Publishing.
All proceedings from my book is going to the hydrotherapy project , our aim is to build a hydrotherapy centre to help all sufferers of a disabling condition .
Kiara x
Friday 25 October 2013
No Change
Life feels so difficult for me at the moment, I am in a constant fog and i feel so very tired constantly :-( I have tried to find inspiration in my poetry but all i can do is dark poems, emotions that touch the heart, strong stuff .
I'm thinking of writing a second book of poetry , but i have also written an autobiography of my life . I thought it would help me emotionally but it hasn't, and so now, i wonder what will i do with this book .
I was at the hospital the other day to see a consultant regarding a breast lump. He has confirmed its only cyst , however it could get larger, even leak and cause infection, so i have decided to have surgery to have it removed. I only need a local anaesthetic and i will be home the same day . He says there could be up to a six week wait so at least having this information with help me not to stress too much about it.
My life feels to be filled with doctor or hospital appointments I don't seem to get out any other time. Its so nice to smell the fresh air and see things around me when i do manage out. I even didn't recognise my own town as its been so long since i had been out that way . I desperately want to meet other people and do normal things .
I talked to Colin and i've decided that i want to visit the fibromyalgia support club, its held on the last Monday of every month . So I'm going to forget my panic attacks , take my spray , and go along to meet and hopefully make new friends. This illness so easily affects sufferers in a way that they become housebound; depressed, and very lonely . This has happened to me so its time i tried to take some control of my life i think. in a positive way that is going to help my self esteem and confidence.......
Hoping ...... That my daughter will realise her cold heart one day for now she won't let me have any contact with my grand-children . There will come a day when she will wish she had opened her mind and her heart .
I know that there are lots of people out there who suffer the same as i do , and i hope that by writing my blogs it will give you motivation to pick up your life again in some small way .
Also i hope that by reading my blogs it helps to make you feel less vulnerable and lonely .
To you , I wish you a happy day and a wonderful week-end
Love Kira x
In my head i am a free spirit , i can do anything i want to, breath the fresh air , smell the new cut grass , walk in the park and let my inner child free to play on the swings :-)
I'm thinking of writing a second book of poetry , but i have also written an autobiography of my life . I thought it would help me emotionally but it hasn't, and so now, i wonder what will i do with this book .
I was at the hospital the other day to see a consultant regarding a breast lump. He has confirmed its only cyst , however it could get larger, even leak and cause infection, so i have decided to have surgery to have it removed. I only need a local anaesthetic and i will be home the same day . He says there could be up to a six week wait so at least having this information with help me not to stress too much about it.
My life feels to be filled with doctor or hospital appointments I don't seem to get out any other time. Its so nice to smell the fresh air and see things around me when i do manage out. I even didn't recognise my own town as its been so long since i had been out that way . I desperately want to meet other people and do normal things .
I talked to Colin and i've decided that i want to visit the fibromyalgia support club, its held on the last Monday of every month . So I'm going to forget my panic attacks , take my spray , and go along to meet and hopefully make new friends. This illness so easily affects sufferers in a way that they become housebound; depressed, and very lonely . This has happened to me so its time i tried to take some control of my life i think. in a positive way that is going to help my self esteem and confidence.......
Hoping ...... That my daughter will realise her cold heart one day for now she won't let me have any contact with my grand-children . There will come a day when she will wish she had opened her mind and her heart .
I know that there are lots of people out there who suffer the same as i do , and i hope that by writing my blogs it will give you motivation to pick up your life again in some small way .
Also i hope that by reading my blogs it helps to make you feel less vulnerable and lonely .
To you , I wish you a happy day and a wonderful week-end
Love Kira x
In my head i am a free spirit , i can do anything i want to, breath the fresh air , smell the new cut grass , walk in the park and let my inner child free to play on the swings :-)
Monday 21 October 2013
Wipe Out
There is a saying that is ' I am the woman i am today because my life before has taught me to be strong' I don't know if this is true of me for i don't feel strong and i certainly don't feel brave . Inspirational ? Maybe ....
But today i just feel Wipe Out .
For the past week i have felt a burden on my shoulders and i just can't reach up to get it off my shoulders. I feel i am a burden on Colin and i so badly want to change my life
any comments to help me will be gladly taken into consideration , pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeze
Hugs Kira x
There are times when we all need a friend .
But today i just feel Wipe Out .
For the past week i have felt a burden on my shoulders and i just can't reach up to get it off my shoulders. I feel i am a burden on Colin and i so badly want to change my life
any comments to help me will be gladly taken into consideration , pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeze
Hugs Kira x
There are times when we all need a friend .Saturday 19 October 2013
Gone
I don't know why but i've always been a sensitive soul, not being able to take any kind of stress or confrontation , and esp now i actually become quite ill over things that others may not think twice about.
I wish i could rub out these issues and start again , make things better , for I'm not a bad person and yet sometimes when families fall out then the innocent one is often portrait as the 'bad' one
With my hand on my heart i wish it all could be gone, I feel that I am being pulled in all directions with family members that just don't know the 'why' or whatever as they only know one side and really these issues shouldn't concern them. I also feel stressed and vulnerable because of my ill health . I make the wrong decisions thinking they are the right ones, I just can't win no matter what i do .
Hugs Kira x
I wish i could rub out these issues and start again , make things better , for I'm not a bad person and yet sometimes when families fall out then the innocent one is often portrait as the 'bad' one
With my hand on my heart i wish it all could be gone, I feel that I am being pulled in all directions with family members that just don't know the 'why' or whatever as they only know one side and really these issues shouldn't concern them. I also feel stressed and vulnerable because of my ill health . I make the wrong decisions thinking they are the right ones, I just can't win no matter what i do .
Hugs Kira x
Thursday 17 October 2013
Sometimes
Sometimes i feel such a failure, i just don't know how to turn things around regarding personal issues with my daughter. She just doesn't understand my illness and how it is keeping me housebound 90% of my time . I miss her but life isn't that easy to just meet up hug each other and move forward . How i wish it was.
I'm sure there are many people out there who also suffer family conflict , my thoughts are with you.
hugs Kira xx
I'm sure there are many people out there who also suffer family conflict , my thoughts are with you.
hugs Kira xx
Tuesday 15 October 2013
Reaching out to you
I like to think that i'm a kind person, someone who is caring and in my time i was hard working. Ofcourse i have made bad choices in my life, and i am only human so yes i have made mistakes, but life doesn't come with a manual 'how to do' and if i could i would change those mistakes . My heart is weeping because of them and i only hope that one day they will be wiped clean .
I am so fed up of this illness, my pain is so bad that when at its worst i just want to lay down , go to sleep, and never wake up again . I constantly ask myself why have i been disabled and why do i now have to live my life with this condition.
I live with my heart on my sleeve , I am so emotional , and i try so hard to get not let this bring me down but its so difficult
I wish i could turn back time
Hugs to all out there who also feel sad and are suffering with this awful illness .
I am so fed up of this illness, my pain is so bad that when at its worst i just want to lay down , go to sleep, and never wake up again . I constantly ask myself why have i been disabled and why do i now have to live my life with this condition.
I live with my heart on my sleeve , I am so emotional , and i try so hard to get not let this bring me down but its so difficult
I wish i could turn back time
Hugs to all out there who also feel sad and are suffering with this awful illness .
Monday 14 October 2013
Sore and feeling so sad
I've been feeling terrible past several days, and since yesterday i feel like i've got yet another virus . I'm so tired of this fight and ongoing pain , it feels like i am always moaning - I'm sorry for this
Wish i could have some good news to share for a change but i haven't :-(
Wish i could have some good news to share for a change but i haven't :-(
Friday 11 October 2013
Life Hurts
Why is it that the ones we want most dearly to understand and stand by us , are the ones who often can't see beyond their own issues.
I've had a terrible week, such intense pain and i feel so depressed. My hospital visit this week went ok , but i got so upset and told the doctor that with no offence aimed at her i am totally fed up going over and over my story with a different doctor each time yet feeling that i am still stuck in this place of pain .
I have to see yet a different doctor now who hopefully will help me cope with this awful chronic pain . I also have a hospital appointment to see about a breast lump . It was looked at and scanned before and they thought it was just a cyst, but its bigger, harder and fixed - I'm worried
My daughter and i have fallen out , she just cannot accept how ill i am, and she just won't admit or see that if i could then i would visit and be in their lives more , needless to say i just cannot cope with this added stress and i've walked away . My heart hurts and i feel as if its been ripped out from my body .
My son on the other hand is a gem and so caring towards me , I love them both dearly and wish my family could be there for me , helping and not causing this hurt. I just cannot win.
On the bright side the copies of my book are being shipped out to me , I'm so excited to see my poetry in a book , my life's dream . I plan to donate all sales to Kira's pool fund, My husband is working towards funding and having a hydrotherapy pool centre built . This is going to be such a benefit to so many people but it will be a long term piece of work in progress , we will be looking to many people and societies to help raise funds towards this goal .
Lastly , I am very grateful to all my online friends, you fill my life and fill an empty space in my heart , I am so lonely and sad at times and you will never know how much i appreciate your friendship, Thank-you from my heart to yours x
I've had a terrible week, such intense pain and i feel so depressed. My hospital visit this week went ok , but i got so upset and told the doctor that with no offence aimed at her i am totally fed up going over and over my story with a different doctor each time yet feeling that i am still stuck in this place of pain .
I have to see yet a different doctor now who hopefully will help me cope with this awful chronic pain . I also have a hospital appointment to see about a breast lump . It was looked at and scanned before and they thought it was just a cyst, but its bigger, harder and fixed - I'm worried
My daughter and i have fallen out , she just cannot accept how ill i am, and she just won't admit or see that if i could then i would visit and be in their lives more , needless to say i just cannot cope with this added stress and i've walked away . My heart hurts and i feel as if its been ripped out from my body .
My son on the other hand is a gem and so caring towards me , I love them both dearly and wish my family could be there for me , helping and not causing this hurt. I just cannot win.
On the bright side the copies of my book are being shipped out to me , I'm so excited to see my poetry in a book , my life's dream . I plan to donate all sales to Kira's pool fund, My husband is working towards funding and having a hydrotherapy pool centre built . This is going to be such a benefit to so many people but it will be a long term piece of work in progress , we will be looking to many people and societies to help raise funds towards this goal .
Lastly , I am very grateful to all my online friends, you fill my life and fill an empty space in my heart , I am so lonely and sad at times and you will never know how much i appreciate your friendship, Thank-you from my heart to yours x
Friday 27 September 2013
McMillan Cancer Care
I am so proud of my daughter Angela, she is holding a coffee morning in aid of McMillan nurses , such a good cause .
I feel sad that I can't go because I feel so ill today , I think I have caught another virus as I've been feeling poorly since yesterday :-(
Colin has gone to support the cause tho so that's nice, I bet he has a yummy time lolgiggle ....
To anyone who has entered this worthy cause , you are so kind and amazing people
Hugs Kira x
you're a star xx
I feel sad that I can't go because I feel so ill today , I think I have caught another virus as I've been feeling poorly since yesterday :-(
Colin has gone to support the cause tho so that's nice, I bet he has a yummy time lolgiggle ....
To anyone who has entered this worthy cause , you are so kind and amazing people
Hugs Kira x
you're a star xxTuesday 24 September 2013
Having a bad day
I'm tired today , it feels like whenever I do any kind of activity i feel so tired and lethargic the next day , I guess it all comes down to willpower and common sense, so what do i do
a) do i rest
b) do i try to work through it
I imagine there are many sufferers who have this issue too , its soul destroying and very hard to work through my depression when it hits
I won't let it beat me though, no matter how long it takes i aim to be well again
Hugs Kira x
a) do i rest
b) do i try to work through it
I imagine there are many sufferers who have this issue too , its soul destroying and very hard to work through my depression when it hits
I won't let it beat me though, no matter how long it takes i aim to be well again
Hugs Kira x
Saturday 21 September 2013
Stronger Update
I have felt so very tired today, sleeping most of the day and only managing to be up for a couple of hours at a time, also my body hurts, esp my shoulders and upper arms ( nothing new really)
However , i do feel so good inside that i have managed to find from somewhere inside a more positive outlook and a more stronger attitude , hoping with all my heart that this is the start of a new journey for me, no looking back , only going forward. Colin has suggested to me that we only do yoga nidra tonite which i agree to , the way i see it, something is better than nothing, and its so good for my spirit :-)
Tomorrow is a new day
Goodnight All
Hugs Kira xx
However , i do feel so good inside that i have managed to find from somewhere inside a more positive outlook and a more stronger attitude , hoping with all my heart that this is the start of a new journey for me, no looking back , only going forward. Colin has suggested to me that we only do yoga nidra tonite which i agree to , the way i see it, something is better than nothing, and its so good for my spirit :-)
Tomorrow is a new day
Goodnight All
Hugs Kira xx
Thursday 19 September 2013
Stronger
Today I feel stronger emotionally, I have thought deeply about my situation, and I can only deal with what this illness has given me. Acceptance is difficult because the fighter in me want the Kira I was , and i want the independence I enjoyed before I got ill ; An possible dream for I will never be that person again , I can only be the person I am now and work towards making it better for me.
I imagine there will be plenty more future downs and I imagine anyone out there who has a disability as I do will also experience the string of emotions that follow illness and disability .
Together we can do our best
Together we can be the best we can be
Together we will always have each other
Thank-you my friends ; I love you and I am so grateful for all you do for me
Hugs Kira x
I imagine there will be plenty more future downs and I imagine anyone out there who has a disability as I do will also experience the string of emotions that follow illness and disability .
Together we can do our best
Together we can be the best we can be
Together we will always have each other
Thank-you my friends ; I love you and I am so grateful for all you do for me
Hugs Kira x
Tuesday 17 September 2013
the pain clinic
I was seen at the pain clinic this morning, all they could offer me for pain relief from now on is morphine and she talked to me about the outreach clinic , but I'm afraid i don't want to be picked up once a week or whatever and taken to a lunch club to sit with 60 and 70 + years olds . I have nothing against the elderly , jeez i worked with them for years but i don't want to become old before my time!!! She discussed with me that the pain relief and management can only be helped with me becoming more active and also pain relief , however there are severe side effects from taking morphine long term so i refused this also.
It seems there is no way forward for me except acceptance and just get on with it . I feel so low today and such a burden on everyone
I'm sad :-(
Kira x
It seems there is no way forward for me except acceptance and just get on with it . I feel so low today and such a burden on everyone
I'm sad :-(
Kira x
Friday 13 September 2013
Today
Yesterday was such a bad day for me , but in the evening I got a message that touched my heart and lifted my mood in many ways . I didn't sleep good , nothing new really as my pain keeps me awake constantly . Glad to say that I feel better today and I think at last I'm kicking this virus out of touch :-) wish i could do the same with this Fibromyalgia .
I'm thinking about dressing up my wheelchair lolgiggle, well getting Colin to for i cant :-)
So anyway its Friday and time for all you workers out there to enjoy the week-end and party !!!! Colin has suggested he give me a pamper day , do my nails, do my make-up and do my fake tan ; sounds good in theory but in practice we will have to see how i am tomorrow. Anyway its given me something to look forward to . Hard to accept that i can no longer do these things , I am lucky to have Colin for he is good at making me feel and look good :-)
Happy week-end
Hugs Kira x
I'm thinking about dressing up my wheelchair lolgiggle, well getting Colin to for i cant :-)
So anyway its Friday and time for all you workers out there to enjoy the week-end and party !!!! Colin has suggested he give me a pamper day , do my nails, do my make-up and do my fake tan ; sounds good in theory but in practice we will have to see how i am tomorrow. Anyway its given me something to look forward to . Hard to accept that i can no longer do these things , I am lucky to have Colin for he is good at making me feel and look good :-)
Happy week-end
Hugs Kira x
Wednesday 11 September 2013
Low
My mood is very low today , i just can't seem to get out of this hole I'm in and I'm so unmotivated with life and the way my life is .
Feeling constantly worn out and as if i have the world on my shoulders , i just want to sleep constantly and I'm really depressed today .
Sorry for this, I should probably not write when i feel like this but i have no other outlet otherwise, I mean how can I burden Colin any more , he has to live with me and see my moods and my pain daily.
I hope that anyone who is feeling sad as I am, I hope that you feel better soon, please know that you are not alone
Hugs Kira x
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Feeling constantly worn out and as if i have the world on my shoulders , i just want to sleep constantly and I'm really depressed today .
Sorry for this, I should probably not write when i feel like this but i have no other outlet otherwise, I mean how can I burden Colin any more , he has to live with me and see my moods and my pain daily.
I hope that anyone who is feeling sad as I am, I hope that you feel better soon, please know that you are not alone
Hugs Kira x
Sunday 8 September 2013
my friend the virus
For the past two days i have been feeling poorly, think i have caught a virus and its leaving me feeling washed out , I hope to feel better soon for there is nothing i can do but let it run its course
Dr Andrew wants me to keep a diary over the next 2 weeks , i can see that being interesting NOT ... filled with my moans and groans and how awful i feel doesn't make for good reading ...
I hope all of my followers have a nice Sunday, and if the ones who feel ill as i do then i send you a gentle hug and healing thoughts
hugz Kira x
Dr Andrew wants me to keep a diary over the next 2 weeks , i can see that being interesting NOT ... filled with my moans and groans and how awful i feel doesn't make for good reading ...
I hope all of my followers have a nice Sunday, and if the ones who feel ill as i do then i send you a gentle hug and healing thoughts
hugz Kira x
Thursday 5 September 2013
Boxing On
I had such a bad day yesterday, such chronic pain and i felt so depressed and tired, just wanted the pain to end and wanted to sleep. Was meant to see Andrew yesterday, he's the doctor I'm seeing privately . Anyway i had to cancel but i saw him today. While we were talking Colin told him how he thought the treatment was good for me , and how when we were out last week i wanted to try to walk in Salon services shop , i've not walked outside for two years and i managed it , i was so pleased with myself even tho i was in pain afterwards and felt washed out.
Again he did hypnotherapy on me , afterwards we were talking and Andrew said that he felt we were getting somewhere , i don't see it, but i trust his positive attitude and i will try to embrace it for myself. I go back to see him in 2 weeks so till then I'm boxing on and with Colin's help trying my best .
hugs Kira x
Again he did hypnotherapy on me , afterwards we were talking and Andrew said that he felt we were getting somewhere , i don't see it, but i trust his positive attitude and i will try to embrace it for myself. I go back to see him in 2 weeks so till then I'm boxing on and with Colin's help trying my best .
hugs Kira x
Friday 30 August 2013
We can never plan
I'm feeling very tired today and know i will have to return to bed shortly, its so frustrating because we can never plan anything and it seems the only time i manage to get out is to see the doctor, even then its often a struggle for me .
I empathize with all fellow sufferers , its feels like we are prisoners in our own home and we are cut off from society .
My mood is low today , sorry
hugz Kiara x
there is such a difference between relaxing and being physically tired, I so wish i could sleep and feel refreshed .
I empathize with all fellow sufferers , its feels like we are prisoners in our own home and we are cut off from society .
My mood is low today , sorry
hugz Kiara x
there is such a difference between relaxing and being physically tired, I so wish i could sleep and feel refreshed .Thursday 29 August 2013
Mind over Body
I've been doing relaxation techniques with Colin this week as advised by the doctor , I'm slowly managing to 'get into the zone' and feel hopeful that this can help me in some way . I've also attempted to do some chores around the flat every other day for i actually feel wiped out afterwards and i'm so tired for days following . However i plan to continue and try to pace myself better , I want to at least do something to help myself become more ambulant .
It was my weigh in day today with weight watchers , i haven't lost any weight this week but also i haven't gained any so i should see that as a positive and just try that little bit harder for my next weigh-in ......
Wish me luck !!!!
hugz Kira x
It was my weigh in day today with weight watchers , i haven't lost any weight this week but also i haven't gained any so i should see that as a positive and just try that little bit harder for my next weigh-in ......
Wish me luck !!!!
hugz Kira x
Wednesday 28 August 2013
chores
I've started doing some chores around the flat , its tires me out terribly but it makes me feel good that i can do something and my thinking is that hopefully i will get stronger and not find things so hard going . I do have to rest for 2 or 3 days afterwards but then i can do a little again , hopefully pacing myself will work out ,
watch this space .....
hugs Kira x
watch this space .....
hugs Kira x
Monday 26 August 2013
A new week
So changing things a little i want to talk about weight watchers and my slow progress, but progress it is :-)
I just can't forego chocolate and its driving me nuts but this week I'm determined to reach my first milestone of 7 lbs loss . I wish i could work out but for obvious reasons i can't , but i am going to try my best to be more mobile and do more tasks , i think this is achievable if i pace myself - so this is my plan ....
I spend so much time at home just sitting about , so i need to change this and make it work for me , watch this space ......
Have a good Monday
I just can't forego chocolate and its driving me nuts but this week I'm determined to reach my first milestone of 7 lbs loss . I wish i could work out but for obvious reasons i can't , but i am going to try my best to be more mobile and do more tasks , i think this is achievable if i pace myself - so this is my plan ....
I spend so much time at home just sitting about , so i need to change this and make it work for me , watch this space ......
Have a good Monday
hugs Kira x
Tuesday 20 August 2013
Sleep
Isn't it so frustrating when this ongoing tiredness just seems to go on and on......
I hate that i get so tired it feels that my life consists of sleeping , waking and still feeling tired. I just want to sleep all the time , my life stinks!!!!!
I hate that i get so tired it feels that my life consists of sleeping , waking and still feeling tired. I just want to sleep all the time , my life stinks!!!!!
I have my second appointments with the Dr in Glasgow ( i can't remember his name ) anyway, i'm a little apprehensive and wondering what he has in store for me
watch this space ...... Kira x
UPDATE 21/8/13
,
I was seen by Andrew ( my Dr in Glasgow) this afternoon he is trying a series of hypnotherapy on me , where it will go i don't know but I'm willing to try anything . Colin is also involved in my care which is good, it makes me feel comfortable and supported. Surprisingly most doctors don't involve the partner in any care / medical package , Andrew is definitely different and i feel optimistic that he will do his best to help me .
Sunday 18 August 2013
Life is sooooo hard
Life is so hard for me at the moment, my body hurts beyond measure and i feel exhausted all the time . When will it ease i wonder for i don't know how much longer i can take this.
A friend referred us to a private doctor and we went to see him last week, we were there for 2 hours which totally drained me emotionally and physically , but he has given me a glimmer of hope that he can help me . His aim to help me become more mobile and to manage my pain better so i can have a better quality of life. It won't happen overnight and it'll be hard work for me but as long as i have Colins support to help me thro then i know i can do it , at least i hope i can .
Life has to get better for me, if only a little, for i've suffered constant severe pain and exhaustion for 2 years now and i just can't see me suffering this for the rest of my life . I know there is no cure and i will always be in pain but i hope upon hope that it will get easier eventually.
Thank-you Robert for referring us to this new doctor and for all your help, you have given me hope
Namaste
Kira x
A friend referred us to a private doctor and we went to see him last week, we were there for 2 hours which totally drained me emotionally and physically , but he has given me a glimmer of hope that he can help me . His aim to help me become more mobile and to manage my pain better so i can have a better quality of life. It won't happen overnight and it'll be hard work for me but as long as i have Colins support to help me thro then i know i can do it , at least i hope i can .
Life has to get better for me, if only a little, for i've suffered constant severe pain and exhaustion for 2 years now and i just can't see me suffering this for the rest of my life . I know there is no cure and i will always be in pain but i hope upon hope that it will get easier eventually.
Thank-you Robert for referring us to this new doctor and for all your help, you have given me hope
Namaste
Kira x
Sunday 11 August 2013
sunshine
Its so nice to see the sunshine today, from my flat i can see the trees in the park gently blowing in the breeze and the sun shining down on them . Isn't mother nature a beautiful thing.
Colin emailed Dr McCall this morning , we were given his name by a friend so we want to arrange a consultation . I'm living in hope that he can help me in some way for all the other doctors i have seen have done all they can for me and now its just living an existence and sleeping most days .
I have to mention Robert , his kindness is beyond measure, i just don't have the words to say how grateful we both are for his help .
I'm tired today , my body hurts too - medication just doesn't help and i have to just put up with this as best i can . Wish i could run away and leave all my pain behind me .......
Have a beautiful day everyone
hugs Kira x
Colin emailed Dr McCall this morning , we were given his name by a friend so we want to arrange a consultation . I'm living in hope that he can help me in some way for all the other doctors i have seen have done all they can for me and now its just living an existence and sleeping most days .
I have to mention Robert , his kindness is beyond measure, i just don't have the words to say how grateful we both are for his help .
I'm tired today , my body hurts too - medication just doesn't help and i have to just put up with this as best i can . Wish i could run away and leave all my pain behind me .......
Have a beautiful day everyone
hugs Kira x
Saturday 10 August 2013
EyEs
Today has been a good day considering how things are with me :-) I even managed to put my make-up on and feel like my old self for a little while. Colin took me into town, i had an appointment with the optician to have my eyes tested , its been over 10yrs since i last had them done ( shame on me !!!) However i was surprised to hear that there has been little change in my eyes, most changes on my right one. I had noticed this myself so it'll be good to get my new glasses and be able to actually see properly . I've chosen two different frames , both veri focal , one pair in a bronze frame and the other in a wine/reddish colour , now we just need to find the money to pay for them GulP ....
I spoke on Skype to my friend in USA today , its amazing how Skype can just connect people half way across the world . Candy is just the nicest person , and its great to have her as a friend even tho we live hundreds of miles apart - its good to have friends isn't it :-)
So now its a relaxing evening for Colin and i, Dinner soon and watch TV , we are following the serial ' The Americans' all about soviet and USA spies, not normally the kind of thing i would watch but its really good and keeps you hanging on til the next episode ...
Enjoy your evening whatever you do
hugs Kira x
I spoke on Skype to my friend in USA today , its amazing how Skype can just connect people half way across the world . Candy is just the nicest person , and its great to have her as a friend even tho we live hundreds of miles apart - its good to have friends isn't it :-)
So now its a relaxing evening for Colin and i, Dinner soon and watch TV , we are following the serial ' The Americans' all about soviet and USA spies, not normally the kind of thing i would watch but its really good and keeps you hanging on til the next episode ...
Enjoy your evening whatever you do
hugs Kira x
Friday 9 August 2013
Bones
I have been suffering such intense pain in my bones lately , its so bad that it has reduced me to tears and just feeling that i can't go on like this. Pain from my shoulders travelling down to my elbows and severe pain in my hips, and thighs travelling down to my shins , SO SO SO Intense ;-(
Went to my doctor who has put me on an anti-inflammatory Naproxen Tablets 500mg x2 daily , which seems to be helping ( my second day of taking them and the pain is reduced to bearable, but now getting bad stomach pains)
Is there no rest from this !!!!!
Went to my doctor who has put me on an anti-inflammatory Naproxen Tablets 500mg x2 daily , which seems to be helping ( my second day of taking them and the pain is reduced to bearable, but now getting bad stomach pains)
Is there no rest from this !!!!!
hugs to all who read this blog , Kira x
Wednesday 24 July 2013
Why ????????
Last nite must have been the worst i've had in a little while, normally i can cope with my pain, as my threshold is quite high , but i was awake til 4am finally took some herbal sleeping tablets and managed to get 2 hours sleep before i was awake again. Pain so intense that i sobbed with it and really honestly and truly didn't want to go on, i just couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel . I just wanted it to end. It ok putting a brave face on things but no-one really knows how much and how badly i suffer, no-one but Colin.
Glad to say my pain is more bearable now ....
The hydro therapy pool-
the nearest to our home is in Nairn , miles away !!!!
Colin spoke to my doctor who was as much use as a chocolate fire guard, she offered a doctors pass to get me into the local swimming pool , no good at all as a hydro pool has to be at body temperature. Swimming pools in general are not .
He also spoke to my Occupational Therapist who informed him that there is a big demand for a hydro pool , they have the staff , they have the equipment, they just don't have a pool. She told Colin that on the site where the New Larbert hospital is built there was infact a hydro pool which they demolished . Seems to us to be such a waste Sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
Colin is on a mission to get as much awareness as possible and sponsored help to enable a new pool to be built , to be used for as many as possible. Facts show that Fibromyalgia reacts well to this sort of thing , but also when you think of all the disabilities and people who could use the pool , well its got to be a good thing even if it didn't help Fibro .
Life is hard isn't it , but people's spirits are strong and we always manage somehow to pick ourselves up again. Thanks to the people who love us and our carers .
If you can support this cause in any way even just by word of mouth to others , then please do
hugs Kira x
Glad to say my pain is more bearable now ....
The hydro therapy pool-
the nearest to our home is in Nairn , miles away !!!!
Colin spoke to my doctor who was as much use as a chocolate fire guard, she offered a doctors pass to get me into the local swimming pool , no good at all as a hydro pool has to be at body temperature. Swimming pools in general are not .
He also spoke to my Occupational Therapist who informed him that there is a big demand for a hydro pool , they have the staff , they have the equipment, they just don't have a pool. She told Colin that on the site where the New Larbert hospital is built there was infact a hydro pool which they demolished . Seems to us to be such a waste Sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
Colin is on a mission to get as much awareness as possible and sponsored help to enable a new pool to be built , to be used for as many as possible. Facts show that Fibromyalgia reacts well to this sort of thing , but also when you think of all the disabilities and people who could use the pool , well its got to be a good thing even if it didn't help Fibro .
Life is hard isn't it , but people's spirits are strong and we always manage somehow to pick ourselves up again. Thanks to the people who love us and our carers .
If you can support this cause in any way even just by word of mouth to others , then please do
hugs Kira x
Tuesday 23 July 2013
Its been almost a month since my last blog
I didn't realise it had been so long since i last wrote my blog. Almost a month !!!!!
We went to the Lakes for a few days break and i had a lovely time , went to Beatrix Potters cottage , i found it all so enchanting and now I'm a fan of her books, written for children but hey I'm a big kid at heart :-) Colin bought me 2 books and when we go back i want to start a collection to keep my inner child happy lolgiggle . If you have never been to the Lakes i would definitely recommend a visit, its so quaint and tranquil a place of peace , everyone there is so friendly too ....
But, boy did it tire me out. Slept for ever when we got back , and since then been hounded with so much intense pain that is now focussing in my shoulders and neck area along with the other pains and spasms that just seem to always be there . feels like i've been pinned down by the shoulders by a vice :-( I'm going to speak to my doctor today about referring me for Hydro Therapy , I'll update you on that later .
I just want to say that not everyone suffers the same intense symptoms as i do so if you are catching up with me for the first time then please be aware of this and that many sufferers can work and live a nearly normal life . I used to work and live a life that suited my needs, i was happy and slept when i needed to , until i was hit by a virus again which floored me and slowly fibromyalgia took over my body left me now disabled , a wheelchair user and unable to do even small tasks ... but life goes on and i do have good days, they are few and far between but i have them and they lift my spirits and keep me going. Also the love of my husband/carer Colin , he is a massive support to me .
I write poetry and i post it on AllPoetry.com you should go take a look and read some of the stuff posted there not only by myself but by other poets . I'm sure you will enjoy your visit.
On the plus side i am at the moment talking with publishers and undergoing publishing my first book which will be available for sale on Amazon . I'm so excited about this , it also gives me something to look forward to. An ambition achieved after so many years of thinking yes, one day i will. well one day has come :-)
I'm so sore and so tired just now so my book is helping lift my spirits .
well i've written as much as i can for now as I'm sore and find it difficult at times to type because of the pain and stiffness, you'd think typing would help ease the stiffness but it doesn't, if anything it makes it worse :-(
Have a good day
hugs
Kira x
We went to the Lakes for a few days break and i had a lovely time , went to Beatrix Potters cottage , i found it all so enchanting and now I'm a fan of her books, written for children but hey I'm a big kid at heart :-) Colin bought me 2 books and when we go back i want to start a collection to keep my inner child happy lolgiggle . If you have never been to the Lakes i would definitely recommend a visit, its so quaint and tranquil a place of peace , everyone there is so friendly too ....
But, boy did it tire me out. Slept for ever when we got back , and since then been hounded with so much intense pain that is now focussing in my shoulders and neck area along with the other pains and spasms that just seem to always be there . feels like i've been pinned down by the shoulders by a vice :-( I'm going to speak to my doctor today about referring me for Hydro Therapy , I'll update you on that later .
I just want to say that not everyone suffers the same intense symptoms as i do so if you are catching up with me for the first time then please be aware of this and that many sufferers can work and live a nearly normal life . I used to work and live a life that suited my needs, i was happy and slept when i needed to , until i was hit by a virus again which floored me and slowly fibromyalgia took over my body left me now disabled , a wheelchair user and unable to do even small tasks ... but life goes on and i do have good days, they are few and far between but i have them and they lift my spirits and keep me going. Also the love of my husband/carer Colin , he is a massive support to me .
I write poetry and i post it on AllPoetry.com you should go take a look and read some of the stuff posted there not only by myself but by other poets . I'm sure you will enjoy your visit.
On the plus side i am at the moment talking with publishers and undergoing publishing my first book which will be available for sale on Amazon . I'm so excited about this , it also gives me something to look forward to. An ambition achieved after so many years of thinking yes, one day i will. well one day has come :-)
I'm so sore and so tired just now so my book is helping lift my spirits .
well i've written as much as i can for now as I'm sore and find it difficult at times to type because of the pain and stiffness, you'd think typing would help ease the stiffness but it doesn't, if anything it makes it worse :-(
Have a good day
hugs
Kira x
Sunday 30 June 2013
I woke up this morning feeling good but, within 5 minutes of getting up the tiredness hit me like a brick wall . Also my spasms are VERY active all over :-( Sometimes i just wish with all my heart that this illness would go away. This is one of those times. I could cry
I'm sure all of you out there who suffer the same as i do , have felt like this many times :-(
We are going to the Lakes on Tuesday and i'm really looking forward to it, but I'm also worried incase my illness dictates and i end up sleeping too much to actually enjoy my little break .
Life can be so hard sometimes and i feel so tired today that i have no fight in me .
I wish everyone a lovely Sunday, whatever your plans for today
Hugs Kiara x
I'm sure all of you out there who suffer the same as i do , have felt like this many times :-(
We are going to the Lakes on Tuesday and i'm really looking forward to it, but I'm also worried incase my illness dictates and i end up sleeping too much to actually enjoy my little break .
Life can be so hard sometimes and i feel so tired today that i have no fight in me .
I wish everyone a lovely Sunday, whatever your plans for today
Hugs Kiara x
Thursday 27 June 2013
How Exciting
I have written poetry since i was 14 years old , this was my way of dealing with issues and emotions in my life . Oh how my poetry style etc has changed over the years as i now write free-write and i'm in the process of getting my first book published to be on sale through Amazon . Its all so exciting and has cheered up my normally dull life.
I have also lost just over 1lb in my weigh-in today , a grand total of 5lbs in 2 weeks!! How we cherish every oz we lose when we are dieting don't we.
I've also had my hair gone blonde again, i got it done yesterday so i'm really pleased with it .
To all you out there i hope that you have even just one thing in your life that brightens your day and makes you happy
Hugs Kiara x
I have also lost just over 1lb in my weigh-in today , a grand total of 5lbs in 2 weeks!! How we cherish every oz we lose when we are dieting don't we.
I've also had my hair gone blonde again, i got it done yesterday so i'm really pleased with it .
To all you out there i hope that you have even just one thing in your life that brightens your day and makes you happy
Hugs Kiara x
Monday 24 June 2013
For Dermot
Hello Dermot,
I know your friend Ken through our love of poetry , he told me a while back that he'd passed my blog on to you . So i thought that its about time i do the right thing and say 'hello' welcome you to my blog page.
I can never know how other people feel or cope with their disabilities etc but i do try to understand and if i can 'lend a listening ear if needed' In the event of you reading my blog please understand that my blog is exactly that 'my blog' i try to be as honest about my feelings as i can, i try to not 'dress up' my emotions for i want to connect with people who suffer similar as me,
i want also to do this for myself, its a way of coming to terms with my illness as well as this new tag i have 'disabled person' wow was that ever a bitter pill for me to swallow, every where i looked even in my nice new home, for i had to move as i couldn't handle the stairs in my house anymore, every part of normal living was taken from me all i saw was disabled... i fought with my feelings and emotions, i fought with my illness getting so upset and went thro the why me era, after all , i was a caring person, so why did this have to happen to me, i caught an infection 2 months after getting married and infection that floored me and left me with Fibromyalgia that spread through my body so quickly it was unbelievable how severe the symptoms robbed me of my life . I am honest to say that if i knew this was going to happen i would never have married Colin. I went through a terrible guilt in the early days , for Colin had to give up his life to look after me , this sacrifice i will never forget and i will always be grateful for , but i still feel bad about.
I have days when I'm fine and i have days when i am in such pain and i can't even get out of bed that i wish i could just close my eyes and never wake up .
Anyway Dermot , all i want to say is that if ever you want to talk then feel free to contact me . Plus i do hope that you will read my blog now and then . Take Care,
hugs Kira x
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I know your friend Ken through our love of poetry , he told me a while back that he'd passed my blog on to you . So i thought that its about time i do the right thing and say 'hello' welcome you to my blog page.
I can never know how other people feel or cope with their disabilities etc but i do try to understand and if i can 'lend a listening ear if needed' In the event of you reading my blog please understand that my blog is exactly that 'my blog' i try to be as honest about my feelings as i can, i try to not 'dress up' my emotions for i want to connect with people who suffer similar as me,
i want also to do this for myself, its a way of coming to terms with my illness as well as this new tag i have 'disabled person' wow was that ever a bitter pill for me to swallow, every where i looked even in my nice new home, for i had to move as i couldn't handle the stairs in my house anymore, every part of normal living was taken from me all i saw was disabled... i fought with my feelings and emotions, i fought with my illness getting so upset and went thro the why me era, after all , i was a caring person, so why did this have to happen to me, i caught an infection 2 months after getting married and infection that floored me and left me with Fibromyalgia that spread through my body so quickly it was unbelievable how severe the symptoms robbed me of my life . I am honest to say that if i knew this was going to happen i would never have married Colin. I went through a terrible guilt in the early days , for Colin had to give up his life to look after me , this sacrifice i will never forget and i will always be grateful for , but i still feel bad about.
I have days when I'm fine and i have days when i am in such pain and i can't even get out of bed that i wish i could just close my eyes and never wake up .
Anyway Dermot , all i want to say is that if ever you want to talk then feel free to contact me . Plus i do hope that you will read my blog now and then . Take Care,
hugs Kira x
Armchair yoga
I can't believe that i managed to do 20 minutes of armchair yoga , I'm very tired today tho and my body aches but i think its normal that i should hurt a little. My body is very weak and its difficult for me to do movements but at least i'm trying , so my message to all of you out there is' If i can do it then so can you' Give it a try ....
hugs Kira x
hugs Kira x
Sunday 23 June 2013
Confused
This crazy mind of mine simply leaves me every day with a brain-fog, that can be funny because of the mixed up words I'm saying eg the wrong words for things , or my confused mind that can be quite frustrating and hurtful to my sensitive soul .
I sometimes over-react I know this, but it is a real heart jerking situation when i get really confused , heaven knows what other people think, people who don't know me or my situation.
My speech can become slurred too giving others the impression that I'm drunk - oh what a life.
I know that the lighter side of this is the only way to think but underneath it all i worry. I worry that I'm losing the plot, I worry that I'm getting dementia, I've even spoken to the doctor about my concerns only to be told that she doesn't think i have dementia, nothing about well to put your mind at ease lets take some bloods, heavens they have taken so much blood in the past that I'm sure a little more won't do me any damage. What is happening tho is that I'm being sent to the memory clinic- but I've been waiting a month or so to get word that I think they have forgotten lolgiggle
If anyone out there is suffering symptoms like mine then rest assured its only 'Brain-Fog' brought on thro medication and the affects of this illness. However if you are really worried talk to your doctor
hugs Kira x
I sometimes over-react I know this, but it is a real heart jerking situation when i get really confused , heaven knows what other people think, people who don't know me or my situation.
My speech can become slurred too giving others the impression that I'm drunk - oh what a life.
I know that the lighter side of this is the only way to think but underneath it all i worry. I worry that I'm losing the plot, I worry that I'm getting dementia, I've even spoken to the doctor about my concerns only to be told that she doesn't think i have dementia, nothing about well to put your mind at ease lets take some bloods, heavens they have taken so much blood in the past that I'm sure a little more won't do me any damage. What is happening tho is that I'm being sent to the memory clinic- but I've been waiting a month or so to get word that I think they have forgotten lolgiggle
If anyone out there is suffering symptoms like mine then rest assured its only 'Brain-Fog' brought on thro medication and the affects of this illness. However if you are really worried talk to your doctor
hugs Kira x
Thursday 20 June 2013
This body of mine
I'm glad to say that my arms are not so intensely painful this morning so i'm hoping it stays this way , at a level i can tolerate is just fine for me .
I didn't lose any weight this week, i'm so disappointed but even more determined to lose this week .\...
My focus this week is to try and do some armchair exercises, and lose some weight if i can ..
Watch this space !!!!!
hugz Kira x
Wednesday 19 June 2013
Life as it is for me
I feel like my symptoms are getting worse and this scares me . Such pain in my shoulders; elbows; wrists and a few fingers on my left hand . Also weakness .
I'm trying hard to keep to my weight watchers plan , tomorrow is my weigh in day , I'm finding it quite easy to follow , and it tests my inner strength esp when it comes down to chocolate . I'm saving up my points so i can have a treat , guess what ... yip ... choccie :-)
I've put so much weight since i got ill and i so desperately want to be a size 14 at least ( i used to be a 12 ) but I'm trying to be realistic and to be honest curves are nice so a 14/16 would do :-)
Not much news today , just that i wish all of you out there in cyber land a very good day , and to my fellow sufferers ' stay strong
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I'm trying hard to keep to my weight watchers plan , tomorrow is my weigh in day , I'm finding it quite easy to follow , and it tests my inner strength esp when it comes down to chocolate . I'm saving up my points so i can have a treat , guess what ... yip ... choccie :-)
I've put so much weight since i got ill and i so desperately want to be a size 14 at least ( i used to be a 12 ) but I'm trying to be realistic and to be honest curves are nice so a 14/16 would do :-)
Not much news today , just that i wish all of you out there in cyber land a very good day , and to my fellow sufferers ' stay strong
hugs Kira x
Tuesday 18 June 2013
Why Me
I often wonder , why did i get this illness then i think that if there is a reason behind everything , so do i have to suffer such pain in order to show empathy with fellow sufferers ? for i strongly believe that we meet people for a reason too . I've always been a helper, an outgoing friendly person , infact Colin says i could hold a conversation in a morgue lolgiggle
I never before imagined that i would end up in a wheelchair , my life was organised chaos before, and i loved my social life as much as my work life ... but now , where do i go from here , I'm a prisoner in my home, fully dependant on another person, me the woman who took pride in being totally independent .
I miss just jumping into my car and going to meet friends, I can't do that now and i miss my friends so much . Its strange how those people that once were your friends just disappear , the ones i thought wouldn't just fade into the background have just melted away , and now I see no-one .
I have to be extra careful when I'm putting on my make-up too, for my muscle spasms could result in me putting something IN my eye rather than ON my eyes . I very rarely wear make-up now :-(
I think that there are hundreds.. thousands... millions of people who have asked themselves the same question 'Why Me' and we still are waiting on an answer...
waiting, waiting ......
Hugs Kira x
I never before imagined that i would end up in a wheelchair , my life was organised chaos before, and i loved my social life as much as my work life ... but now , where do i go from here , I'm a prisoner in my home, fully dependant on another person, me the woman who took pride in being totally independent .
I miss just jumping into my car and going to meet friends, I can't do that now and i miss my friends so much . Its strange how those people that once were your friends just disappear , the ones i thought wouldn't just fade into the background have just melted away , and now I see no-one .
I have to be extra careful when I'm putting on my make-up too, for my muscle spasms could result in me putting something IN my eye rather than ON my eyes . I very rarely wear make-up now :-(
I think that there are hundreds.. thousands... millions of people who have asked themselves the same question 'Why Me' and we still are waiting on an answer...
waiting, waiting ......
Hugs Kira x
Monday 17 June 2013
Sooooooooooooooooo tired again and weary
This last week has been quite awful for me, I've now started getting severe pain in the ball of my foot like a hot poker running through it to me leg , also my spasms are getting so much stronger that i'm a danger to myself at the moment .
I haven't managed to try any exercises yet but i still feel positive about them and i will try them when i can.
I'm in the process of talks and looking to publish 60 of my poems in a book . My friend Candy said that i should and she gave me the contact etc i've chosen my 60 poems so when i'm more able i will talk to the publisher and send my manuscript and the deposit . When done it will be available on Amazon and the title of my book is to be 'Moments in Time' I'm really quite excited about it although i do doubt my poetry skills a little . However if people are telling me i'm good enough then i should believe them shouldn't i . Each and every poem has a memory connected to them, and anyone reading them will know without doubt that i wrote each poem with them in mind . I can't wait lolgiggle
I will go now with a smile on my face and hopefully a smile on yours after reading my blog.
Have a good day
Hugs Kira x
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I haven't managed to try any exercises yet but i still feel positive about them and i will try them when i can.
I'm in the process of talks and looking to publish 60 of my poems in a book . My friend Candy said that i should and she gave me the contact etc i've chosen my 60 poems so when i'm more able i will talk to the publisher and send my manuscript and the deposit . When done it will be available on Amazon and the title of my book is to be 'Moments in Time' I'm really quite excited about it although i do doubt my poetry skills a little . However if people are telling me i'm good enough then i should believe them shouldn't i . Each and every poem has a memory connected to them, and anyone reading them will know without doubt that i wrote each poem with them in mind . I can't wait lolgiggle
I will go now with a smile on my face and hopefully a smile on yours after reading my blog.
Have a good day
Hugs Kira x
Monday 10 June 2013
exercise for the disabled
I've found this link that may be of some use to you. It covers armchair exercises such as Tia Chi and Yoga . There are two stages but this is just stage 1
I've recently joined weight watchers online , i need to lose some weight badly so as i can't really exercise and the gym is just a dream away , i found this link that I'm definitely going to try out . Anything to help me have better mobility , and help me lose weight and boost my self esteem
http://uninvitedwriter.hubpages.com/hub/Chair-exercises-for-those-with-mobility-problems
I've recently joined weight watchers online , i need to lose some weight badly so as i can't really exercise and the gym is just a dream away , i found this link that I'm definitely going to try out . Anything to help me have better mobility , and help me lose weight and boost my self esteem
Friday 7 June 2013
impulsive
I'm really impulsive but now if i think of something, anything, then i need to write it down as a reminder or do the task at that moments in time ,
and soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo, my impulsive thought ....
just realised one very good thing, a positive :-)
I now can take mouthfuls of pills when i used to gag at taking one , my throat would begin to close up just at the thought of taking a pill
proud and positive am i yeah !!!!!!!!!!!!
Sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo if you are like i was and can't tolerate pills , then think on as in time you will be able to take take loads no bother :-)
thumbs up for Fibro you helped me get over my pill obsession..
Go on smile lolgiggle , did i give you a smile at the end of the day, I hope so
Hugs Kira x
and soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo, my impulsive thought ....
just realised one very good thing, a positive :-)
I now can take mouthfuls of pills when i used to gag at taking one , my throat would begin to close up just at the thought of taking a pill
proud and positive am i yeah !!!!!!!!!!!!
Sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo if you are like i was and can't tolerate pills , then think on as in time you will be able to take take loads no bother :-)
thumbs up for Fibro you helped me get over my pill obsession..
Go on smile lolgiggle , did i give you a smile at the end of the day, I hope so
Hugs Kira x
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