so tired, still feeling ill :-(

Another night when i watched the minutes pass bye so slowly .

Such  pain in my right arm; my left jaw a toothachy pain, and my right leg . Spasms so strong and i can't control them in any way :-( I'm feeling so down but trying to hide it from Colin, after all if i'm sad then he's sad , and what is the point of both of us being unhappy.

I might ask him to take me out a walk in my chair, its a beautiful day although a bit breezy


Have a lovely week-end whatever your plans, stay strong and keep a positive attitude - it does help


Hugs Kira x

another bad nite

Another bad nite when i watched every hour on my clock tick by. So tired, so much pain i could weep.  I need a hug :-(

I hope you have a better day than me , hugs Kira x

My Wheelchair

My wheelchair is now my new best friend , she goes with me every where i go, supporting me, and enjoying shopping trips as well as hospital visits .

I have every respect for my wheelchair, after all she has to carry my weight , not an easy task as since i got ill i've put on at least 2 stones , much to my dismay , and much to my disgust i am now a size 16 from a size 12 . I used to work-out all the time, people used to ask me what was i training for , i was so into my circuit training , now i can't even walk never mind do a 2 hr workout as i used to

Its been a long hard journey , even introducing my wheelchair to my body was difficult , in my head it shouted out 'disabled person' and suddenly i became invisible to others , for example when shopping i was overlooked and suddenly my husband became the main one and i was ignored , it hurt but people are strange creatures aren't they and i cannot be accountable for their ways .

Anyway i just wanted to give my chair a mention, after all she is a big part of my life , without her i wouldn't get around, i wouldn't get out ( i hardly get out as it is ) and without her i would have to struggle and my life would be a hundred times worse..

So dear wheelchair , thank-you for helping to make my quality of life so much better than it was .

Hugs Kira x

I've slept all day, had such a bad nite that all i could do today was sleep :-( pain and spasms have been pretty bad too, that i've had to double up on my Tramadol . The crazy thing is that i know i will sleep tonite , it won't affect my sleep pattern in any way , for this is the way of Fibromyalgia .


You would think I'd be used to this by now, but it still gets to me and i can't help but weep . Colin is such a good support, but I'm sure that even he must get sick of this and long for just one normal day .

I want to put my make-up on and wear something nice , I want to feel feminine again but how can i when i look and feel so tired , how can i when any kind of activity just simply wipes me out

Plan A .... rest for a few days then hopefully I'll be up to putting make-up on etc

Plan B ..... rest for a few days blah blah blah


oh and Colin is going to paint my nails sometime , looking forward to that at least !!!!

Life is hard, but its not totally impossible to do what i want to do , it just means i have to do it a little at a time so if Colin does my toe nails , then i can put my false nails on my fingers ( girlie time with my husband , better than nothing ) smile to myself ...........

Have a nice evening everyone

I need a hug :-(  but hey hopefully i'll feel better emotionally and physically tomorrow

hugs
Kira x

My Smile

I've been ill again since my last post, typical isn't it !!!  Just goes to show that i cannot rely on anything because even my health lets me down . You would also think that i am used to it by now, but i'm not, and every time i get ill it just drags me down again. Constant pain; constant tiredness that doesn't go with rest ; and the latest thing is , very bad sweats where its so bad that even my sheets are soaking wet, and my pillow too :-(

Glad to say that I'm over the latest bout AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You know i have so many caring friends, mostly on other sites such as Face Book and eBay and AllPoetry but i treasure the time spent with them, and their caring ways towards me , I may not be blessed with many in my every day life but my other friends well and truly make up for that and i feel blessed to Know them. They give me strength and help me get through the bad times when i am in such pain its almost intolerable , and I feel so low that I just want to curl up and die

So today I want to dedicate 'my smile' to them, its free and easy to share


Hugs Kira x

Feeling Goooooooooood

I can't believe that this is now my 4th day of feeling good, very little pain and no tiredness :-) I had to nap yesterday at 5pm , slept for 2 hours would probably have slept longer if Colin hadn't woke me, but  I didn't want to sleep into the evening then feel ill when i got up , this is usually what happens. However my rest was a peaceful one and i woke up to enjoy the rest of the evening with Colin :-)

Pregabalin certainly seems to be doing what it says on the box, plus the sun being out is so good for us isn't it.

Had to nap past 2 days tho but feeling ok :-)


Have a good day everyone

hugs , Kira x

Sleeping Beauty

It seems all i do these days is sleep, i am unable to be up and awake for more than 4 hrs at the most before returning to bed to sleep. I feel i must try to fight this but how can i when i feel so ill at these times, i literally feel the energy drain from me and i NEED to sleep . I HATE what has become my life

I wonder if this is going to go on and on for ever more or will i one day be able to work through this ...

Empty Pages

Take my hand as we walk through the in-between lines of empty pages

 Pages, that are yet to be written.

Where words lay in wait of an emotion yet to be born

And hearts lie bleeding helpless on the ground

Waiting for that first heartbeat

Let’s visit a place where a kiss is given tenderly without a promise

So that promises then cannot be broken

And so when you tell me that you love me

I will believe.

I have strong family values , I believe in honesty at all costs, and that a promise should never be made if you know you will eventually break it. Life is hard but true love can survive through all and if that love is strong enough to fight any battle, then its worth holding on to .

I love to write poetry, my wish is to publish my book one day , this is my dream.

Have a beautiful day wherever you are 

hugs Kira x  

Broken

With her last breath within her fluttering chest

And the beating of her heart fading

With her desperate need....

To mend her broken wings.....

She gathers up all her strength

To make one last final flight

And in desperate need she weeps

A silent prayer escapes from her lips

Reaching out to you she pleads...

See the pain in her eyes

The hurt in her heart

For,

She is a lost angel

and,

 She is broken 

am i true to my heart; am i true to myself

How do i see myself, am i truthful to my heart ......

I am disabled yet i own an inner strength that surprises even me , i am gifted with the ability to see both sides, i can do so much to help others for i am gifted with a non judgemental manner and i have life experience . those experiences gave me the courage to become emotionally stronger and give me the ability to turn negative into positive .

so being ill with cfs/me & Fibromyalgia must have its bonuses, must have a positive , must have taught me compassion for others and that there is a reason for everything


am i true to my heart , is my heart true to me . sometimes i get lost, lose the path i wanted to follow and forget my reasoning for starting things, eg blogging . this originally was for me to write down my thoughts; feelings; and emotions regarding my illness. i wasn't coping well, i felt so alone and depressed so i thought that writing down my feelings and experiences would help me come to term with my illness, with my disabilities. then somewhere along the way i started thinking about other people in similar situations as me and thought perhaps my journal maybe help them . I needed gratification for my journal tho, just a little comment now and then but they were far and few and i became disheartened

am i true to my heart , i am on the road i wanted to travel , an ongoing journal of hope; sadness; reaching out to others; and finding my own way to deal with things, so becoming stronger emotionally
am i true to my heart - am i true to myself ... yes i am

so if anyone reads my blog i feel honoured and flattered, and i hope that from reading they will too find inner strength and perhaps friendship , for i believe we meet people for a reason


hugs Kira x    

To 'just be'

I'm  thinking , today lets forget about our woes, lets do nothing and just accept and enjoy each others company , we don't even need to speak , we only need to breath and 'just be'


Sometimes there is this need to fill an emptiness, but do you realise that enjoying the emptiness is just as important , just to embrace it and think of nothing 'just be'

My mind is so usually filled with how can we do this, where can we get that, worry worry worry ...
that to just sit and enjoy each others being and to embrace our togetherness is such a beautiful thing, its priceless


try it :-)

Hugs Kira x

Pain Clinic

I attended an appointment at the pain clinic this morning  to discuss my progress ( if any) and basically review my symptoms etc. The conclusion is that my concentration is too poor to think about hypnotherapy at the moment, so my consultant has advised i visit the memory clinic.

I've to return in 6 months time to the pain clinic .

She did ask if it was worthwhile getting more acupuncture but its so painful for me ( almost as bad as my Fibro pain , and really it doesn't help at all now )


So , am i a lost case just waiting to be discharged to get on with my life as best i can ? I really don't know what my future holds , but at least i can say that i tried :-)

I hope all who read this find some kind of inspiration , even a little interest to ask to be referred to the pain clinic for my experience with them has all in all been a positive one , for my only other option was to sit in the house or sleep my life away , getting depressed and feeling sorry for myself

hugs Kira x

yet again ....

I've been ill with yet another virus, feeling rotten today and low in mood . Life just seems so difficult at times.

I joined a Fibromyalgia awareness sight last week( or maybe it was the week before i can't remember)anyway i  found it is so helpful on a more personal basis, sufferers just post their issues and its read and answered by other fibro sufferers . I don't know if i will be there much as my concentration is very poor of late but like this blog i like to think i can help other sufferers in some small way . I'll post the link for anyone who may be interested in joining this group.

http://fibroaction.healthunlocked.com/

I think that also its a good place to make friends and connect with people who suffer from Fibro , it lets you know you are not alone and you are not going mad .

I live a lonely life really so its places like this that is my soul saver , i have made a friend there already her name is Ann .

There are times when i just don't want this any more , i wish i could just wish my illness away but i know i can't, it doesn't stop me wishing tho ,and i presume many also wish the same on a regular basis.

Stay strong and try to be positive, this is what i try to get through to others , so now its my turn to do the same .

To all out there who read my blog, I wish you a good Monday

I send you hugs from my heart

Namaste Kira x

Today

Today i woke to see the sunshine through my window which is usually darkened
Today I heard the chirping of birds and my heart skipped a beat
Today i want to sit in the sun
Today i want to feel the grass between my toes
Today i feel alive

I feel like my energy levels are good , my pain is little and i feel like the me that was , i embrace this feeling while it lasts and my heart smiles . Wishing you all a wonderful day, hugs Kira x

Thoughts

Do we ever take a moment to step back and think about those who look after us, how their life is affected by our illness?????

we all share one think in common, isolation

My husband gave up his life to look after me, lost most of his friends and became a house husband and carer all in one.

I didn't really realise what this meant to him til last nite, I was so wrapped up in my own world and my pain that I really didn't give a thought to how my illness affected him , I'm sorry Colin


This blog post is really just to ask you to take a step back from your world of illness and think about your carer, we take so much for granted without really meaning to don't we

Wishing you all a happy Monday

hugs Kira x