I woke up this morning feeling good but, within 5 minutes of getting up the tiredness hit me like a brick wall . Also my spasms are VERY active all over :-(  Sometimes i just wish with all my heart that this illness would go away. This is one of those times. I could cry

I'm sure all of you out there who suffer the same as i do , have felt like this many times :-(

We are going to the Lakes on Tuesday and i'm really looking forward to it, but I'm also worried incase my illness dictates and i end up sleeping too much to actually enjoy my little break .

Life can be so hard sometimes and i feel so tired today that i have no fight in me .

I wish everyone a lovely Sunday, whatever your plans for today

Hugs Kiara x

How Exciting

I have written poetry since i was 14 years old , this was my way of dealing with issues and emotions in my life . Oh how my poetry style etc has changed over the years as i now write free-write and i'm in the process of getting my first book published to be on sale through Amazon . Its all so exciting and has cheered up my normally dull life.

I have also lost just over 1lb in my weigh-in today , a grand total of 5lbs in 2 weeks!! How we cherish every oz we lose when we are dieting don't we.

I've also had my hair gone blonde again, i got it done yesterday so i'm really pleased with it .

To all you out there i hope that you have even just one thing in your life that brightens your day and makes you happy

Hugs Kiara x

For Dermot

Hello Dermot,

I know your friend Ken through our love of poetry , he told me a while back that he'd passed my blog on to you . So i thought that its about time i do the right thing and say 'hello' welcome you to my blog page.

I can never know how other people feel or cope with their disabilities etc but i do try to understand and if i can 'lend a listening ear if needed' In the event of you reading my blog please understand that my blog is exactly that 'my blog' i try to be as honest about my feelings as i can, i try to not 'dress up' my emotions for i want to connect with people who suffer similar as me,


 i want also to do this for myself, its a way of coming to terms with my illness as well as this new tag i have 'disabled person' wow was that ever a bitter pill for me to swallow, every where i looked even in my nice new home, for i had to move as i couldn't handle the stairs in my house anymore, every  part of normal living was taken from me all i saw was disabled... i fought with my feelings and emotions, i fought with my illness getting so upset and went thro the why me era, after all , i was a caring person, so why did this have to happen to me, i caught an infection 2 months after getting married and infection that floored me and left me with Fibromyalgia that spread through my body so quickly it was unbelievable how severe the symptoms robbed me of my life . I am honest to say that if i knew this was going to happen i would never have married Colin. I went through a terrible guilt in the early days , for Colin had to give up his life to look after me , this sacrifice i will never forget and i will always be grateful for , but i still feel bad about.

I have days when I'm fine and i have days when i am in such pain and i can't even get out of bed that i wish i could just close my eyes and never wake up .

Anyway Dermot , all i want to say is that if ever you want to talk then feel free to contact me . Plus i do hope that you will read my blog now and then . Take Care,


hugs Kira x

Armchair yoga

I can't believe that i managed to do 20 minutes of armchair yoga , I'm very tired today tho and my body aches but i think its normal that i should hurt a little. My body is very weak and its difficult for me to do movements but at least i'm trying , so my message to all of you out there is' If i can do it then so can you' Give it a try ....

hugs Kira x

Confused

This crazy mind of mine simply leaves me every day with a brain-fog, that can be funny because of the mixed up words I'm saying eg the wrong words for things  , or my confused mind that can be quite frustrating and hurtful to my sensitive soul .

I sometimes over-react I know this,  but it is a real heart jerking situation when i get really confused , heaven knows what other people think, people who don't know me or my situation.

My speech can become slurred too giving others the impression that I'm drunk - oh what a life.

I know that the lighter side of this is the only way to think but underneath it all i worry. I worry that I'm losing the plot, I worry that I'm getting dementia, I've even spoken to the doctor about my concerns only to be told that she doesn't think i have dementia, nothing about well to put your mind at ease lets take some bloods, heavens they have taken so much blood in the past that I'm sure a little more won't do me any damage. What is happening tho is that I'm being sent to the memory clinic- but I've been waiting a month or so to get word that I think they have forgotten lolgiggle


If anyone out there is suffering symptoms like mine then rest assured its only 'Brain-Fog' brought on thro medication and the affects of this illness. However if you are really worried talk to your doctor


hugs Kira x

 

This body of mine

I'm glad to say that my arms are not so intensely painful this morning so i'm hoping it stays this way , at a level i can tolerate is just fine for me .

I didn't lose any weight this week, i'm so disappointed but even more determined to lose this week .\...


My focus this week is to try and do some armchair exercises, and lose some weight if i can ..

Watch this space !!!!!

hugz Kira x

Life as it is for me

I feel like my symptoms are getting worse and this scares me . Such pain in my shoulders; elbows; wrists and a few fingers on my left hand . Also weakness .

I'm trying hard to keep to my weight watchers plan , tomorrow is my weigh in day , I'm finding it quite easy to follow , and it tests my inner strength esp when it comes down to chocolate .  I'm saving up my points so i can have a treat , guess what ... yip ... choccie :-)

I've put so much weight since i got ill and i so desperately want to be a size 14 at least ( i used to be a 12 ) but I'm trying to be realistic and to be honest curves are nice so a 14/16 would do :-)

Not much news today , just that i wish all of you out there in cyber land a very good day , and to my fellow sufferers ' stay strong

hugs Kira x

Why Me

I often wonder , why did i get this illness then i think that if there is a reason behind everything , so do i have to suffer such pain in order to show empathy with fellow sufferers ? for i strongly believe that we meet people for a reason too . I've always been a helper, an outgoing friendly person , infact Colin says i could hold a conversation in a morgue lolgiggle

I never before imagined that i would end up in a wheelchair , my life was organised chaos before, and i loved my social life as much as my work life ... but now , where do i go from here , I'm a prisoner in my home, fully dependant on another person, me the woman who took pride in being totally independent .

I miss just jumping into my car and going to meet friends, I can't do that now and i miss my friends so much . Its strange how those people that once were your friends just disappear , the ones i thought wouldn't just fade into the background have just melted away , and now I see no-one .

I have to be extra careful when I'm putting on my make-up too, for my muscle spasms could result in me putting something IN my eye rather than ON my eyes . I very rarely wear make-up now :-(

I think that there are hundreds.. thousands... millions of people who have asked themselves the same question 'Why Me' and we still are waiting on an answer...

waiting, waiting ......

Hugs Kira x

Sooooooooooooooooo tired again and weary

This last week has been quite awful for me, I've now started getting severe pain in the ball of my foot like a hot poker running through it to me leg , also my spasms are getting so much stronger that i'm a danger to myself at the moment .

I haven't managed to try any exercises yet but i still feel positive about them and i will try them when i can.

I'm in the process of talks and looking to publish 60 of my poems in a book . My friend Candy said that i should and she gave me the contact etc  i've chosen my 60 poems so when i'm more able i will talk to the publisher and send my manuscript and the deposit . When done it will be available on Amazon and the title of my book is to be 'Moments in Time'  I'm really quite excited about it although i do doubt my poetry skills a little . However if people are telling me i'm good enough then i should believe them shouldn't i . Each and every poem has a memory connected to them, and anyone reading them will know without doubt that i wrote each poem with them in mind . I can't wait lolgiggle


I will go now with a smile on my face and hopefully a smile on yours after reading my blog.


Have a good day

Hugs Kira x

exercise for the disabled

I've found this link that may be of some use to you. It covers armchair exercises such as Tia Chi and Yoga . There are two stages but this is just stage 1

I've recently joined weight watchers online , i need to lose some weight badly so as i can't really exercise and the gym is just a dream away , i found this link that I'm definitely going to try out . Anything to help me have better mobility , and help me lose weight and boost my self esteem

http://uninvitedwriter.hubpages.com/hub/Chair-exercises-for-those-with-mobility-problems

impulsive

I'm really impulsive but now if i think of something, anything, then i need to write it down as a reminder or do the task at that moments in time ,

and soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo, my impulsive thought ....

just realised one very good thing, a positive :-)

I now can take mouthfuls of pills when i used to gag at taking one , my throat would begin to close up just at the thought of taking a pill

proud and positive am i  yeah !!!!!!!!!!!!


Sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo if you are like i was and can't tolerate pills , then think on as in time you will be able to take take loads no bother :-)

thumbs up for Fibro you helped me get over my pill obsession..

 Go on smile lolgiggle  , did i give you a smile at the end of the day, I hope so

Hugs Kira x

The day after yesterday

I'm so tired today , didn't sleep too well last night for pain, i even got a shooting pain in my right big toe , the electric feeling woke me up and that was that, i just couldn't get to sleep again, sweating is becoming a big problem , i think i will need to talk to the doctor about it.

Getting my pics taken yesterday gave me quite a shock for me to see just how much weight i've put on , I'm not happy at looking at myself and i hate what i see. sooooooooooooooooo today i joined weight watchers. there was i munching away at a crunchie bar , my second may i add, and looking at this diet/healthy eating plan OMG is there any hope for me , i don't know if this weight increase is due to my medication or and because of my eating , i know i comfort eat , its almost like a mission for me for i just want to eat eat eat all the time . I need to find the strength to do this , for in my heart i want to be as i was before i got ill , a trim and toned size 12/14 . How i miss the gym - how i miss my life

Its a beautiful day again today but i can't go out. Colin is in town, then he's off to Glasgow to meet some friends , i hate my days without him, i miss him so much , but he needs a life outside me so that he can be refreshed and cope better , i know I'm being selfish and i shouldn't grudge him these times away from me but i really miss him and i just can't help it.

OK I'm off for my nap now , i wish you all a lovely day wherever you are .

Take care

 Hugs Kira x

Its my Birthday !!!!!

Where has the last year gone, it doesn't seem possible that here i am another year older , the time has passed so quickly

Yesterday was a really good day for me, the first in a little while . I got my fake tan done and my toe nails painted ( all by Colin ) and we went out to sit in the sunshine in the afternoon. So many friendly people here where we live, alot older tho, but really nice. they char away as if they'd known us for years. After all the excitement i had to go for a nap, i slept for about 2 hours but i needed it.

So today is my birthday, Angela my daughter is coming over with the kids this afternoon, its always nice to see them , but very tiring emotionally and physically for me . The sun is out again today too so i'm hoping we can sit outside again for a little while, i don't get out much normally so i'm clinging to the hope now that the weather is a little better then i can get out more.

We get our new car at the end of the month so we'll definitely be able to get out more as long as my illness lets me


To everyone, i wish you a lovely day

Hugs Kira x  

How can i cope

I've got to the stage in my illness that I'm wondering how can i continue to cope ...

my brain isn't recognising alphabetic letters ; i am saying stupid things like ' where is my fone' when i'm actually on the fone

it isn't funny ant more , i tried to make it funny but no more, all i see is this broken woman who's body won't work, and who can't hold any kind of conversation

I'm scared

What is happening to me , will i ever get better or is this for the rest of my life , How can i help others when i can't help myself .

I'm feeling very low today and so alone with my hurt , hugs Kira x