One lonely heart

I wish someone would hold my hand, look deep into my eyes , and promise me that things will be ok, that my life will return to what it was , and i no longer will suffer... it was all a nasty dream

But, it isn't a dream and no-one can promise me that i will get well again. This pain when at its worst is so intense i just can't cope, me who isn't afraid of pain, me who used to be so strong willed .. me who now seems to be lost in a world of what was and what now is .... drowning drowning in each moment i breath , for life to me is now just a battle to get through each day, and if i survive the day, then my next battle is the night.

the nights can be so long and so lonely

I think of my friends , i see more of my online friends than i do of people i have known all my life , my family wrapped up in their own worlds, too busy to reach out to me, to hug me, to spend a little time with me .... to try to understand my emotional pain is just as hard to bare as my physical pain

I wish things would just end , i wish my life to be different just for one day

I miss so many things


hugs Kiara

I wonder ????

It seems that whenever i do something eg went out with Colin for a drive , the next day ( yesterday) I slept 24hrs solid . Was soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo tired, its not fair to Colin , he has to sit in the flat alone while i sleep , he has to put up with my condition . I have no choice , I can't run away from it , But Colin has to put up with this .....


Today i feel ok so later we are going into town, i bet i feel really tired tomorrow again, its so frustrating !!!!!!!! Does anyone else suffer in this way i wonder ???

Hugs Kira x

viral ?????

I felt quite ill yesterday , slept literately all day , still don't feel great today but not sleeping as much. Feel weak tho, and i'm not up to anything. I hoped to do a pamper day fro myself today , something i have wanted to do for a little while now but unable to ( make-up; lashes; contacts; everything that helped make me feel feminine for i just don't feel feminine anymore .

Tomorrow is another day tho

I joined a support group online evening yesterday , Fibro Awareness , I really like this site and find it very informative as well as friendly

 http://fibroaction.healthunlocked.com/


give it a try i'm sure you will be impressed


Kira x

Its Amazing !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Its just amazing the difference i feel being on my new medications, i sleep good and although i tend to sleep late and still need my early evening naps , i actually wake up feeling refreshed and no more feeling sick , i hated that feeling and i always felt foggy after my nap which my body still needs but now no more ill effects . My pain levels are controllable too although my joints are stiff and sore , this is just something i have to accept.

i have a smile in my heart today and life feels good :-)

hugs Kira xx

11 DAYS AGO ....

11 DAYS AGO ,

I went to see my GP regarding my meds in the hope that she would prescribe a more adequate medication for me , as she had previously prescribed me a muscle relaxant Lorazipan then took me off this as she thought it was making me too sleepy. A few weeks later i went back to see her as i just couldn't stand the pain and the spasms i was having to put up with, she then prescribed me Baclofen within a few hours i had totally lost all control of my muscles, i was having severe muscle spasms, and  causing me to lose my grip and caused me to let a cup of scalding hot tea fall all over my legs and lower body, luckily Colin managed to cool the burn area with cold wet towels and so managing to stop any blisters forming . Colin phoned the hospital who advised him on what to do to help me but also saying he should call back if my symptoms worsened. Unfortunately they got much worse and i fell  on two occasions when my legs just gave way causing me to fall , hurting my back and leaving bruises . Colin phoned the hospital and a doctor visited me in my home , having seen me the doctor phoned an ambulance to take me to hospital. I have spent two weeks in hospital undergoing tests and scans of my brain and my body . I'm pleased to say that i do not have a brain tumour which was my worst fear . I am also now put on what seems to be the correct medication to suit my illness and my symptoms . I have been put on Pregabalin for treatment of Fibromyalgia  and taken off Gababpentin , I have also been taken off Dihydrocodene and started on Tramadol . Its still early days but already i feel less pain . I have also been given a zimmer frame for use about the house .

My husband Colin has been through such a stressful time these past two weeks and i honestly don't think i could have got through this without him.

 Colin my darling you are my hero and i love you endlessly xxx



hugs Kira x