No Change

Life feels so difficult for me at the moment, I am in a constant fog and i feel so very tired constantly :-(  I have tried to find inspiration in my poetry but all i can do is dark poems, emotions  that touch the heart, strong stuff .
 I'm thinking of writing a second book of poetry , but i have also written an autobiography of my life . I thought it would help me emotionally but it hasn't, and so now, i wonder what will i do with this book .

I was at the hospital the other day to see a consultant regarding a breast lump. He has confirmed its only cyst , however it could get larger, even leak and cause infection, so i have decided to have surgery to have it removed. I only need a local anaesthetic and i will be home the same day . He says there could be up to a six week wait so at least having this information with help me not to stress too much about it.

My life feels to be filled with doctor or hospital appointments I don't seem to get out any other time. Its so nice to smell the fresh air and see things around me when i do manage out. I even didn't recognise my own town as its been so long since i had been out that way . I desperately want to meet other people and do normal things .

I talked to Colin and i've decided that i want to visit the fibromyalgia support club, its held on the last Monday of every month . So I'm going to forget my panic attacks , take my spray , and go along to meet and hopefully make new friends.   This illness so easily affects sufferers in a way that they become housebound; depressed, and very lonely . This has happened to me so its time i tried to take some control of my life i think.  in a positive way that is going to help my self esteem and confidence.......

Hoping ...... That my daughter will realise her cold heart one day for now she won't let me have any contact with my grand-children . There will come a day when she will wish she had opened her mind and her heart .

I know that there are lots of people out there who suffer the same as i do , and i hope that by writing my blogs it will give you motivation to pick up your life again in some small way .
Also i hope that by reading my blogs it helps to make you feel less vulnerable and lonely .

To you , I wish you a happy day and a wonderful week-end

Love Kira x

In my head i am a free spirit , i can do anything i want to, breath the fresh air , smell the new cut grass , walk in the park and let my inner child free to play on the swings :-)