Extreme fatigue

I'm extremely tired today , finding it difficult to focus or concentrate and my body hurts so much, every muscle screaming out in its own way and my poor body feels battered and bruised.

Why ???

I did some toning yesterday , staggered exercise and worked specific muscle areas . My reward - see the above :(

They say that graded exercise is good for Fibromyalgia , yet its contradictory to the fact that it actually makes Cfs worse. The two conditions that i suffer from .

So what do i do, how do i find a happy medium to my predicament ???

My willpower is strong but i can't ignore it when my body is telling me to rest and it hurts to the extreme .

I'm sure many have felt and do feel as i do now . Don't give up; Don't give in....  Pacing is exactly that , pace your energy don't use up all your energy . Take your time and eventually things will get better and you will see and feel the benefits. Baby steps all the way , keep a daily journal this will help you focus on your emotions , help you face up to what your battle is that day , for our battle changes all the time and is ongoing .

 I keep a journal and i find it helps me no end. It lets me approach my fears head on, helps me say the things i cannot say out loud; and it helps me look into/at myself .

Visualisation is also a great thing, it can take you to a beautiful place and help you control your breathing , the aim to enhance relaxation. It also helps to deal with pain ( physical/emotional) for you can wrap this up and let it go , visualise it drifting away . It doesn't matter that you may need to do this daily a hundred times a month , the fact is that you do it and learn to truly let go so that eventually you will find that you have dealt with this pain and it is gone. 

Stay Positive 
Hugs Kiara xx

Fight the fight for recovery

and the right to win your life back .

I Will

I made a promise to myself two days ago. To kick cfs/me in the ass and reclaim my life again!!

!Chronic fatigue syndrome, or CFS, is a debilitating and complex disorder characterized by profound fatigue that is not improved by bed rest and that may be worsened by physical or mental activity. People with CFS most often function at a substantially lower level of activity than they were capable of before the onset of illness. In addition to these key defining characteristics, patients report various nonspecific symptoms, including weakness, muscle pain, impaired memory and/or mental concentration, insomnia, and post-exertional fatigue lasting more than 24 hours. In some cases, CFS can persist for years. The cause or causes of CFS have not been identified and no specific diagnostic tests are available. Moreover, since many illnesses have incapacitating fatigue as a symptom, care must be taken to exclude other known and often treatable conditions before a diagnosis of CFS is made.

I know i can't do anything about Fibromyalgia as its something my body has to deal with and this can take time, but i'm sick being housebound, i'm sick being unable to do the things i like to do, simple things like just going shopping, or going for a drive. I will beat this... I WILL BEAT IT  and i have started the process of doing stuff and pacing, it makes me feel good that i can help Colin it takes the strain off him and i feel valuable and valued. All these things i haven't felt in such a long time. 

So maybe this is just a dream, but i won't give up 

Watch this space. 

If you could see Fibro it would look like this.......

This is what cfs/me does to you . A prisoner 

someone who lives there life trapped in their bed , unable to do things normally , ISOLATED from the outside world. 

Tired and fed up being ill

It seems that no matter how hard i try i just seem to go round and round in a never ending circle of cfs/me This tiredness is taking over my life and i'm lucky if i can manage a few waking hours in my day- even then i feel as if i'm in a fog 

Wish i had a magic wand to help me be well again.

Positive attitude helps but only if you are believing in yourself and your abilities, this can quickly become a chain around my neck that is weighed down with all kinds of obstacles to stop me on my journey.

I can't even wear make up now to help me feel good about myself as i sweat so much and my hair is soaking all the time, that it seems the stress of washing my hair is not worth it for it will also wipe me out.

How many feel as i do i wonder.

I want to get up and go, i want to leave all this behind and work on maintaining my strengths and try to continue to pace and work throughout my day in a positive way but it just feels impossible at the moment.

Sorry for the moan, sorry i can't be more positive and bring a smile to your face but, life is hard.

Oh i bought some new make-up online so i'm hoping to have a pamper day and manage to wear it. I also bought fast drying gel nails that last up to 2 weeks , great idea but i have a feeling the kit will be kept in my make-up til Christmas lolgiggle

Hugs to All

Kiara xx

Who is this ? Oh yes its me ...... How i want me back again , maybe one day she will appear again. A little older but with a smile. Oh i've lost a stone, something to be happy about :) hard work though for i can't resist sweet stuff. Can't have anything in the flat for i just munch my way through it. 

Guilt

Guilt is a most terrible thing to have to live with.

Guilt of things past done
Guilt of things you cannot change
Guilt of pain caused to others
Guilt of burdening loved ones

I feel so guilty all the time and i wish with all my heart that i could change things. This illness is killing me for i feel so beholden and my guilt just won't go away.

I try to do the best i can, and lately i've been able to do little things but then i crash and i feel so tired , so exhausted , so worthless

I live a life of non existence, i'm never out unless its to the hospital or to visit my doctor, I'm never dressed for what is the point-I'm never out. I have bags full of make-up that i never wear yet i used to love my make-up and i was such a girlie girl.

I have a wardrobe filled with such lovely clothes, clothes that i never wear .

I wish i could turn back the clock , I wish that i could change things but its no use wishing for i can't.

I wish my life was filled with something to look forward to but its not, I have nothing to look forward to .

There are times i want to just jump into my car and go for a drive, just drive and drive but i can't , i'm a prisoner in my own home and my car is only in name for i'm never in it , i've not driven for over 3 years . I miss my independence so very much.

I try i really do , but when times get bad for me, who do i turn to ? there is only one person i can talk to. Yet i cannot open up fully to him for i don't want to burden him with my woes.

I've heard of so many relationships that break down because of illness and the strain it puts on relationships and this scares me. We are strong Colin and I but even the strongest can fall......


I'm sure that there are many people out there who can relate to my feelings and my fears, and i'm sure that there are equally as many who will think that i'm just feeling sorry for myself, but try walking in my shoes for a day , you will beg to get your own shoes back on.

Everyone needs to have a moan now and then , I guess that this is my moan, I apologise for being so down today. But, depression and Guilt is such a terrible thing....

Isn't it ??

Hugs Kiara xx

 My uncle Tom 5yrs my elder ; my gran; my mum 

 Tom and my gran. Tom so much more to me than an uncle , He was my  brother in so many ways 

me and my gran

 me aged 4 

me aged 4 

My life in four pics , all gone now . I miss them so much that it hurts.