Relationships

I'm so concious as time goes on how easily relationships with partners and spouses can change , it must be a terrible burden on our other halves for i know myself that i am a terrible patient and there are times i get so down and feel guilty for putting my husband through this with me.

 Days of constantly moaning about being in pain, days of not getting dressed because i've no energy and my clothes actually hurt my skin . Days of just being so ill , and all the time our other halves have to put up with it, and  at the same time live with their  own feelings of helplessness and all the time just wishing they could take our pain away .

The other side of the coin - sacrifice of giving up work, or limiting a social life, caring for me 24/7 sitting at home with me and having no real support to help the carers in this kind of situation, while all the time watching the one they love hurt.

Slowly our partner goes from a husband /wife who possibly shared a active intimate  sexual life together, now share limited sex for fear that they are going to cause us more pain, or going to the point of no sex at all. Gradually , they are no longer in the role of husband/wife/partner , its changed to the role of carer .

Family relationships change too, so many people out there who just don't understand our condition be it cfs/me or Fibromyalgia , or both . I know that my family don't really understand, my daughter thinks or used to think that if i just got out more i would feel better , she was under the opinion that if i had a good sleep i would be ok. I don't know how many times i tried to explain to her that when i slept i still woke up in a state of exhaustion . I even directed her to a fact sheet but it still didn't help.

However,  recently she visited and the change in her was amazing, its like for the first time she really saw me as i am now and it shocked her . She now txts me everyday and visits when she can . My son is a different kettle of fish, he cares but his life is caught up with his work and his wife. I guess sons are different , when they get married we lose them to a certain extent .

Being realistic, I personally think that the only person who really knows how we are suffering is ourelves and the person who shares our life , they are the nearest to understanding our pain and our struggles , and that in my opinion is a terrible burden for them . Life can be so cruel sometimes can't it

.Its so sad that many relationships break down because of things like this and how eventually partners can't take it any more , its so sad that they had to live with it in the first place , but as my husband says ' i chose to be with you - i love you, love is such a strong thing and i feel blessed to be loved and have a husband like Colin by my side . I know that i will never be able to tell him just how blessed i feel, and i admire him so much for what he does for me without complaining.  Yet he has to put up with so much from me .

I hope that this blog will help anyone who reads it , simply to know that they are not suffering alone and there are many of us out there going through the same thing , difficult relationships; money worries; feelings of guilt; unhappiness and pain; loneliness; we share the feelings of loss and insecurity which  can manifest in many different ways .

My only advice i can give is don't let hurts build up, don't build walls, talk to your partners and family/friends until you cannot talk anymore , for they don't know what we are feeling inside our thoughts and we can't read their thoughts either. Seek financial advice for there are benefits we are entitled to that we are unaware of so seek advice and help . Don't be alone with your worries

Kira x