It seems like i am a different person to whom i was. Constantly ill, i have now been ill for the past 6 days with an extremely bad virus , and yet it goes on and on, This particular virus hit me 5 weeks ago, then seemed to ease again for a few days and now its back with a madness!!!!this pain, this confusion, slurred speech , loss of memory, becoming very unbalanced when i try to walk which on occasions if Colin hadn't been there to steady me, then i would have fallen . My pain is becoming more severe and taking over every part of my body , my legs refuse to walk, my pain is worsening, and i feel so sad '.........yes death came silently and i didn't even feel it until there was no turning back . I am no longer the person i was, and i just want to give up, yet there is a little voice inside talking to me , saying 'stay strong' don't give up ... How many of you i wonder have heard this little voice , how many of you out there have felt as i do and yet carry on , how many of you ...............
Its was a beautiful morning looking from my windows i could see the snow all around and it looked like a scene from a winter wonderland , the sun shone through my windows in streaky colour as my tears fell down my face and i felt so alone , I remember when it seemed that i was at my worse this time round, Colin told me that he couldn't cope any more, he needed help, that he wasn't medically qualified and we both need some other kind of support and help. The helplessness in his eyes hit an arrow right through my heart and i just didn't know what to to to help him , life is so cruel, i'm so dependent on him for everything - me a independent woman who in the past needed no-one !!!
hugs Kira xxx
oh hunni keep strong! sending big hugs and positive thoughts! S x
ReplyDeleteno words Sarah, things are so difficult at the moment , thanks for the kind thoughts, hugs x
DeleteMy dear Kira, it saddens me to know the pain your in at the moment. Yes, i know how it feels to want to give up. Please stay strong and be positive, things will improve.
ReplyDeleteI also can imagine how Colin is feeling too. It must be overwhelming for him at times. I really think you both need some outside help. It could be a good thing . Maybe talk to the doctor about it. I remember you saying ages ago that you could have someone come in to sit with you, it would perhaps ease the pressure a little.
My thoughts are with you. love and hugs. Sue. X
Thankyou dear Sue , you are such a dear friend and inspiration , hugs Kira x
ReplyDelete