Why ????????

Last nite must have been the worst i've had in a little while, normally i can cope with my pain, as my threshold is quite high , but i was awake til 4am finally took some herbal sleeping tablets and managed to get 2 hours sleep before i was awake again. Pain so intense that i sobbed with it and really honestly and truly didn't want to go on, i just couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel . I just wanted it to end. It ok putting a brave face on things but no-one really knows how much and how badly i suffer, no-one but Colin.

Glad to say my pain is more bearable now ....

The hydro therapy pool-

the nearest to our home is in Nairn , miles away !!!!

Colin spoke to my doctor who was as much use as a chocolate fire guard, she offered a doctors pass to get me into the local swimming pool , no good at all as a hydro pool has to be at body temperature. Swimming pools in general are not .

He also spoke to my Occupational Therapist who informed him that there is a big demand for a hydro pool , they have the staff , they have the equipment, they just don't have a pool. She told Colin that on the site where the New Larbert hospital is built there was infact a hydro pool which they demolished . Seems to us to be such a waste Sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Colin is on a mission to get as much awareness as possible and sponsored help  to enable a new pool to be built , to be used for as many as possible. Facts show that Fibromyalgia reacts well to this sort of thing , but also when you think of all the disabilities and people who could use the pool , well its got to be a good thing even if it didn't help Fibro .


Life is hard isn't it , but people's spirits are strong and we always manage somehow to pick ourselves up again. Thanks to the people who love us and our carers .

If you can support this cause in any way even just by word of mouth to others , then please do


hugs Kira x

Its been almost a month since my last blog

I didn't realise it had been so long since i last wrote my blog. Almost a month !!!!!

We went to the Lakes for a few days break and i had a lovely time , went to Beatrix Potters cottage , i found it all so enchanting and now I'm a fan of her books, written for children but hey I'm a big kid at heart :-)  Colin bought me 2 books and when we go back i want to start a collection to keep my inner child happy lolgiggle . If you have never been to the Lakes i would definitely recommend a visit, its  so quaint and tranquil a place of peace , everyone there is so friendly too ....

 But,  boy did it tire me out. Slept for ever when we got back , and since then been hounded with so much intense pain that is now focussing in my shoulders and neck area along with the other pains and spasms that just seem to always be there . feels like i've been pinned down by the shoulders by a vice :-( I'm going to speak to my doctor today about referring me for Hydro Therapy , I'll update you on that later .

I just want to say that not everyone suffers the same intense symptoms as i do so if you are catching up with me for the first time then please be aware of this and that many sufferers can work and live a nearly normal life . I used to work and live a life that suited my needs, i was happy and slept when i needed to , until i was hit by a virus again which floored me and slowly fibromyalgia took over my body left me now disabled , a wheelchair user and unable to do even small tasks ... but life goes on and i do have good days, they are few and far between but i have them and they lift my spirits and keep me going. Also the love of my husband/carer Colin , he is a massive support to me .

I write poetry and i post it on AllPoetry.com you should go take a look and read some of the stuff posted there not only by myself but by other poets . I'm sure you will enjoy your visit.

On the plus side i am at the moment talking with publishers and undergoing publishing my first book which will be available for sale on Amazon . I'm so excited about this , it also gives me something to look forward to. An ambition achieved after so many years of thinking yes, one day i will. well one day has come :-)

I'm so sore and so tired just now so my book is helping lift my spirits .

well i've written as much as i can for now as I'm sore and find it difficult at times to type because of the pain and stiffness, you'd think typing would help ease the stiffness but it doesn't, if anything it makes it worse :-(


Have a good day

hugs
Kira x

I woke up this morning feeling good but, within 5 minutes of getting up the tiredness hit me like a brick wall . Also my spasms are VERY active all over :-(  Sometimes i just wish with all my heart that this illness would go away. This is one of those times. I could cry

I'm sure all of you out there who suffer the same as i do , have felt like this many times :-(

We are going to the Lakes on Tuesday and i'm really looking forward to it, but I'm also worried incase my illness dictates and i end up sleeping too much to actually enjoy my little break .

Life can be so hard sometimes and i feel so tired today that i have no fight in me .

I wish everyone a lovely Sunday, whatever your plans for today

Hugs Kiara x

How Exciting

I have written poetry since i was 14 years old , this was my way of dealing with issues and emotions in my life . Oh how my poetry style etc has changed over the years as i now write free-write and i'm in the process of getting my first book published to be on sale through Amazon . Its all so exciting and has cheered up my normally dull life.

I have also lost just over 1lb in my weigh-in today , a grand total of 5lbs in 2 weeks!! How we cherish every oz we lose when we are dieting don't we.

I've also had my hair gone blonde again, i got it done yesterday so i'm really pleased with it .

To all you out there i hope that you have even just one thing in your life that brightens your day and makes you happy

Hugs Kiara x

For Dermot

Hello Dermot,

I know your friend Ken through our love of poetry , he told me a while back that he'd passed my blog on to you . So i thought that its about time i do the right thing and say 'hello' welcome you to my blog page.

I can never know how other people feel or cope with their disabilities etc but i do try to understand and if i can 'lend a listening ear if needed' In the event of you reading my blog please understand that my blog is exactly that 'my blog' i try to be as honest about my feelings as i can, i try to not 'dress up' my emotions for i want to connect with people who suffer similar as me,


 i want also to do this for myself, its a way of coming to terms with my illness as well as this new tag i have 'disabled person' wow was that ever a bitter pill for me to swallow, every where i looked even in my nice new home, for i had to move as i couldn't handle the stairs in my house anymore, every  part of normal living was taken from me all i saw was disabled... i fought with my feelings and emotions, i fought with my illness getting so upset and went thro the why me era, after all , i was a caring person, so why did this have to happen to me, i caught an infection 2 months after getting married and infection that floored me and left me with Fibromyalgia that spread through my body so quickly it was unbelievable how severe the symptoms robbed me of my life . I am honest to say that if i knew this was going to happen i would never have married Colin. I went through a terrible guilt in the early days , for Colin had to give up his life to look after me , this sacrifice i will never forget and i will always be grateful for , but i still feel bad about.

I have days when I'm fine and i have days when i am in such pain and i can't even get out of bed that i wish i could just close my eyes and never wake up .

Anyway Dermot , all i want to say is that if ever you want to talk then feel free to contact me . Plus i do hope that you will read my blog now and then . Take Care,


hugs Kira x

Armchair yoga

I can't believe that i managed to do 20 minutes of armchair yoga , I'm very tired today tho and my body aches but i think its normal that i should hurt a little. My body is very weak and its difficult for me to do movements but at least i'm trying , so my message to all of you out there is' If i can do it then so can you' Give it a try ....

hugs Kira x

Confused

This crazy mind of mine simply leaves me every day with a brain-fog, that can be funny because of the mixed up words I'm saying eg the wrong words for things  , or my confused mind that can be quite frustrating and hurtful to my sensitive soul .

I sometimes over-react I know this,  but it is a real heart jerking situation when i get really confused , heaven knows what other people think, people who don't know me or my situation.

My speech can become slurred too giving others the impression that I'm drunk - oh what a life.

I know that the lighter side of this is the only way to think but underneath it all i worry. I worry that I'm losing the plot, I worry that I'm getting dementia, I've even spoken to the doctor about my concerns only to be told that she doesn't think i have dementia, nothing about well to put your mind at ease lets take some bloods, heavens they have taken so much blood in the past that I'm sure a little more won't do me any damage. What is happening tho is that I'm being sent to the memory clinic- but I've been waiting a month or so to get word that I think they have forgotten lolgiggle


If anyone out there is suffering symptoms like mine then rest assured its only 'Brain-Fog' brought on thro medication and the affects of this illness. However if you are really worried talk to your doctor


hugs Kira x